Bound Together
One couple’s insights into BDSM

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There’s No One True Way to Do BDSM

By Mimsy Borogoves
In Basics
December 29, 2022
6 Min Read
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Scissors cutting a piece of paper with the word RULES on it

When I first realized I might be kinky and started researching BDSM, I wondered whether the abbreviation described me. I knew I was sexually submissive, but I wasn’t a masochist, nor was I interested in a 24/7 dynamic. Yet everything I read online led me to believe those were natural, if not essential, traits and goals for a submissive. It took some time for me to realize that many BDSM “requirements” aren’t requirements at all and that beyond a few basic principles, there’s no one true way to do any of it.

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Everything You Ever Wanted to Know About CNC But Were Afraid to Ask

By Mimsy with contributions from Vagabond
In Communication, Dominance, How-To Guides, Submission
December 5, 2022
20 Min Read
E

Originally posted on September 25, 2018; updated on December 5, 2022

Man pinning woman's wrists to wall

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When I first started getting in touch with my kinky side and learning about BDSM, I became obsessed with consensual nonconsent (CNC). I thought CNC—also known as rape or ravishment fantasies—would be the ultimate way to lose control. By obsessed I mean I thought about it daily, researched it constantly, and knew it was something I needed to do. I started reading Casual Encounters on Craigslist regularly (back when that section still existed) to see what my options might be. Ultimately I was too scared to go that route, though, and it wasn’t until I met Vagabond that I was able to make my dream come true. 

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The Biggest BDSM Beginner Mistakes 

By Mimsy and Vagabond
In Basics
November 23, 2022
9 Min Read
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Blocks that spell out Do's and Don'ts

Once you realize you’re kinky, it can be tempting to dive headfirst into BDSM without taking the time to learn some basic do’s and don’ts. We certainly made our fair share of missteps in the beginning! We’ve grouped some of the most common BDSM beginner mistakes into four categories: basic misunderstandings, too much too soon, unsafe practices, and fear of failure. Let’s take a closer look at each one.

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The Best Examples of BDSM on TV

By Mimsy Borogoves
In Entertainment
October 27, 2022
11 Min Read
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Yasmin and Robert from Industry standing next to each other on treadmills
Yasmin and Robert in Industry. Photograph by Amanda Searle/HBO.

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Some of the best depictions of BDSM—specifically D/s—on TV appear in shows that aren’t about BDSM at all. And sometimes the D/s is so subtle to those who aren’t in the know that it escapes reviewers’ attention. But that’s part of what makes it so fun to spot if you are kinky! It’s like you and the writers are in on a little secret. In this post, we’ll explore some of the best examples of BDSM and D/s on TV that are hiding in plain sight.  

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The Only Kinky Movies You’ll Ever Need to See

By Mimsy and Vagabond
In Entertainment
October 10, 2022
8 Min Read
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Man kissing the back of a woman's neck while woman is tied to a tree
Belle de Jour

Originally posted on August 5, 2018; updated on October 10, 2022. As an Amazon Associate, we earn from qualifying purchases made via some of the links below (at no additional cost to you).

In recent years, there have been a slew of lists in mainstream media (usually timed with the release of yet another 50 Shades movie) identifying “the best BDSM movies” or movies that “do BDSM better than 50 Shades” (a pretty low bar, if you ask us). But do these roundups really represent the best kinky movies?

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Do BDSM Subs Have Low Self-Esteem?

By Mimsy Borogoves
In Submission
September 29, 2022
5 Min Read
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Woman sitting on floor with her head bent on her knees.

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There’s a common perception among non-BDSM practitioners that submissives suffer from low self-esteem. Otherwise, how could they possibly allow themselves to be debased (so the thinking goes)? This belief is bolstered by people in the BDSM community who admit to feeling worthless and believe themselves to be inferior to just about everyone. But exactly how true is the assumption that BDSM subs have low self-esteem?

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Why Is Monogamy Rare in the BDSM Scene?

By Mimsy Borogoves
In Basics, Research
August 25, 2022
6 Min Read
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Two people holding hands that are encircled by chains

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When Vagabond and I met, neither of us realized just how lucky we were to stumble across each other—two monogamous BDSM practitioners in a sea of nonmonogamous kinksters. At the time, I was still fairly new to BDSM, and though Vagabond was not, he didn’t realize how overwhelmingly nonmonogamous the BDSM scene is. It wasn’t until we started attending BDSM events together that we noticed what a rarity we are as a monogamous couple. But why? 

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Research Recap: Do Kinky College Students Value Consent?

By Mimsy and Vagabond
In Research
July 28, 2022
4 Min Read
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Protestors with sign that says "Let's talk about consent, baby"

It’s an understatement to say that consent is a big deal among people in the BDSM community. Whether online, at a big event, or in a class at the local BDSM dungeon, teachers and event leaders never go near the sexy stuff until they’ve covered consent and risk awareness. There have been lots of studies demonstrating that BDSM community members have good consent practices relative to the general population, but what about all the kinksters who haven’t yet entered the scene? How common is kink in the general public, and do they behave like BDSM community members with respect to consent-seeking behavior and safety? Caroline C. Boyd-Rogers and her fellow researchers conducted a study called “BDSM Proclivity Among College Students” to find out. The results were published in Springer Nature in 2022.

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Why BDSM Education Is Essential 

By Mimsy and Vagabond
In Basics, Research
June 30, 2022
10 Min Read
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Man sitting at desk holding book and microscope while woman in a short skirt stands on the desk wielding a riding crop

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What’s one of the main things that separates good BDSM players from bad ones? Education! Learning as much as you possibly can about how to do various kinky activities is crucial not only for safety but for maximizing pleasure. We might all have different kinks, but we doubt you’ll find a partner who wants to see you fumble around in the bedroom or make a careless yet dangerous mistake. And even if you already have great chemistry with the only play partner you’ll ever want to fuck, we’ll explain why education is not only necessary and fun, but can take your BDSM life to the next level.

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Bound Together
One couple’s insights into BDSM