Bound Together
One couple’s insights into BDSM


What Is Sub/Dom Drop in BDSM and Can It Be Avoided?

Man and woman lying face to face in bed.

We recently attended a virtual class on sub and top drop—a feeling of depression that can occur after BDSM scenes—and how to deal with it when it happens. The instructor made it sound as if drop is an inevitable byproduct of great BDSM scenes. This struck us as odd, considering we’ve done hundreds of scenes and have never once experienced drop! This led us to wonder what drop really is, what causes it, and how it can be avoided. We address these questions and more in this post.



Image depicting the idea of a BDSM myth: the Loch Ness monster wearing a spiked collar

As an Amazon Associate, we earn from qualifying purchases made via some of the links below (at no additional cost to you). 

In a previous post about BDSM myths, we tackled common misconceptions that newcomers to BDSM often have, such as “pain is intrinsic to BDSM” and “real D/s dynamics are 24/7.” This time, we’re going to address several BDSM myths that are prevalent within the BDSM community and tend to spur debate when they come up.


Guide to BDSM Bondage without Rope

Woman's arms in leather cuffs with connecting chain between them

As an Amazon Associate, we earn from qualifying purchases made via some of the links below (at no additional cost to you). We may also make money off some of the other links below.

Rope bondage can be beautiful and rewarding, but it can also be time consuming if you want to do anything more complex than basic ties. It requires a level of patience on the part of the top and the bottom that not everyone has, and even if you’re very familiar with rope, you might want to add another dimension to your bondage. And sometimes you just want to cut to the chase! Fortunately, there are quite a few alternatives to rope that are just as effective and fun for bondage. 


6 Questions to Ask Before and After a BDSM Scene

Open handcuffs with the text "wanna play?" written in the middle

Beginner BDSM guides often make it seem like filling out extensive negotiation checklists and spreadsheets before playing is an essential step. But do you really need to catalog everything you plan to do in granular detail each and every time you decide to do a scene with someone? Probably not. In this post, we’ll break down the essential questions you need to consider for BDSM scenes whether you’re playing with someone new or a longtime partner.


2023 BDSM Year in Review

2023 highlights

As we speed toward 2024, we thought it would be fun to end the year with a roundup of some of the best and weirdest BDSM highlights of 2023. Remember the Armie Hammer #metoo scandal? That was reexamined this year through a BDSM lens. BDSM also sparked outrage on a college campus in Tennessee. And a much beloved kinky cafe in San Francisco closed. There were also a number of new books, movies, and studies about BDSM that came out this year. Read on to get the full 2023 recap.


The Truth about Punishment in BDSM

Woman pouting

As an Amazon Associate, we earn from qualifying purchases made via one of the links below (at no additional cost to you).

One of the most common BDSM aphorisms is that there’s “no one true way.” Yet if you search for “punishment in BDSM” online, you’ll come away with the opposite impression due to two ubiquitous assumptions. The first is that punishment is a given in every D/s dynamic, and the second is that it’s real and leads to true behavior change. Our take? Nope and nope. If, like us, you find yourself not agreeing with these two common assumptions, you’ll be hard pressed to find any BDSM resources to back you up. This is why we’re providing one!


BDSM When Life Gets in the Way

Two people clasping hands

Over time, most couple’s sex lives ebb and flow—and the same is true with BDSM. Grief, illness, and other stressful life events can and do interfere with BDSM. This was our situation recently after the death of an immediate family member followed by illness. Even though these kinds of lulls are inevitable in a long-term relationship, we didn’t want to let the BDSM spark fade completely because it helps us sustain the romance, fun, and connection in our relationship. We came up with a few ways to keep our BDSM dynamic alive when life gets in the way, which may work for you as well.


A guide to BDSM Safety for Bottoms and Subs

Man and woman facing each other; woman's hands are handcuffed behind her back.

If you’re a bottom or a sub, you may think your job in BDSM is to follow your dom’s lead. After all, you’re not the one tying people up or dishing out the punishments. But just because you’re not in charge of the scene doesn’t mean you aren’t responsible for understanding what’s happening and doing your part to ensure it goes smoothly. These BDSM safety tips will help you play more safely, stay informed, and have even more fun in your scenes.


Playing It Safe: The Ins and Outs of Safewords


Originally posted on March 4, 2019; updated on May 16, 2023

As an Amazon Associate, we earn from qualifying purchases made via some of the links below 
(at no additional cost to you).

From vanilla women’s magazines to online forums about kink, the first piece of advice that newbies to BDSM often get is to use a safeword. But the discussion about safewords often stops there. Let’s take a closer look at this often cited but poorly explained mainstay of BDSM.

Bound Together
One couple’s insights into BDSM