BDSM Resources

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This page is updated regularly, so be sure to check back often! Everything listed here is something we’ve read, vetted, and/or used. We may earn a small commission (at no additional cost to you) if you make a purchase via some of the links below.

Sections:

Health

  • The Difference Between SM and Abuse: A succinct statement from the Lesbian Sex Mafia that clearly explains the difference between BDSM and abuse.
  • Herpes Handbook: This reliable guide from a renowned herpes clinic provides up-to-date factual information on HSV-1 and 2.
  • Jen Gunter: Ob/gyn Gunter strives to debunk pervasive myths and junk science surrounding women’s health. Have a question about vaginas? She’s probably answered it.
  • Kink Aware Professionals Directory: A service provided by the National Coalition for Sexual Freedom “dedicated to providing the community with a listing of psychotherapeutic, medical, legal and other professionals who have stated that they are knowledgeable about and sensitive to diverse expressions of sexuality.”
  • National Vulvodynia Association: While you have to pay to become a member of the NVA, there are some free resources on the site. Members receive newsletters, and educational materials, access to state-specific lists of health care professionals who specialize in this condition, and more.

History

  • An Essay About “the Old Days”: Jay Wiseman recalls what the BDSM scene was like in the 1970s.
  • History of the Dominatrix: A blog about historical aspects of BDSM and women’s sexuality by sexuality educator, historian, and author Anne O. Nomis.
  • The History of DS and Its Kin: This essay by Dusk Peterson explains how the terms “dominant” and “submissive” entered the BDSM lexicon.
  • “Old Gods Die Hard”: In his 2014 speech, Guy Baldwin dives into the fascinating history of the leather world’s Old Guard and dispels some of the more prevalent myths about leather culture.

Kink (Misc.)

  • BDSM Events Page: An up-to-date listing of BDSM conventions and large-scale events across the U.S. and abroad.
  • BDSM Tip Sheet for Beginners: Invaluable advice by Lady Green and Jay Wiseman that anyone new to BDSM should keep in mind.
  • Bottoming Educators List: A compilation of bottoms throughout the U.S. and Canada who teach classes on various aspects of bottoming, such as CNC, impact, service, and negotiation. Must be a member of FetLife to view.
  • Deviant’s Dictionary: A dictionary of kink terminology put together by Sagacity, British Columbia’s longest running BDSM organization.
  • Different Loving: Based on interviews with hundreds of kinksters, authors Gloria and William Brame and Jon Jacobs take the reader on a guided tour of dozens of facets of BDSM. This book is an excellent resource for newbies and old hands alike.
  • Enough to Make You Blush: Exploring Erotic Humiliation: In this excellent guide, the fabulous Princess Kali walks readers through all the ins and outs of humiliation and degradation. A must-read for novices and experts alike.
  • How to be a Happy and Healthy Submissive: In this essential guide for novice female submissives, Kate Kinsey covers all the ins and outs of submission and clearly separates fact from fiction. In her second book, What Submissives Want to Know: Real Questions, Real Answers, she gives advice to real-life subs.
  • Kink Academy: A comprehensive kink library of video tutorials on everything from negotiation and safer sex to rope bondage and pony play. Many of the tutorials are free, but members get access to all 2000+ videos. There are some great instructors, including Rain DeGrey, Orpheus Black, and Topologist.
  • Kink Aware Professionals Directory: A service provided by the National Coalition for Sexual Freedom “dedicated to providing the community with a listing of psychotherapeutic, medical, legal and other professionals who have stated that they are knowledgeable about and sensitive to diverse expressions of sexuality.”
  • Kink Education Code of Conduct: This extremely thorough code of conduct was developed by and for kink educators and producers to address a “consent crisis in kink education.” The code also gives anyone who plans to attend a kink-related class or workshop a good idea of how responsible kink educators should behave. The site includes a list of educators who have adopted the code.
  • Kink Weekly: Weekly magazine filled with educational articles, photography, erotica, and reviews related to BDSM.
  • (K)ink: Writing While Deviant: An ongoing series of personal essays from the Rumpus by writers exploring how their art is connected to their kinky practices.
  • The Loving Dominant: This influential book teaches new tops how to explore BDSM with all five senses.
  • Music: The link takes you to our Spotify playlist for kinky fun. Our music taste leans toward sexy, lush, and dreamy. Enjoy!
  • The Pleasure’s All Mine: The Memoir of a Professional Submissive: Given the abundance of pro domme memoirs, this personal account from the other side of the slash by Joan Kelly is a breath of fresh air.
  • Rain DeGrey: Advice, articles, and more about kink, relationships, and sex from former model and pro domme turned educator and writer Rain DeGrey.
  • Screw the Roses, Send Me the Thorns: One of our favorites, this classic and charming book by Molly Devon and Philip Miller imparts realistic wisdom about BDSM, and D/s in particular, based on the authors’ decades of experience. Although the book is especially useful for people in a male dom/female sub dynamic, the information is pertinent to anyone looking to engage in BDSM.
  • Slut, Ph.D.: “Sex advice and opinions for the 21st century” from a kinky sociologist. Her post on the “8 Most Misunderstood Things About BDSM” is one of our favorites.
  • Thinking Kink: The Collision of BDSM, Feminism and Popular Culture: This book by Catherine Scott examines the portrayal of BDSM in books, TV shows, movies, and music through a feminist lens.

Research

Rope

Please see our Rope Roundup for up-to-date resources, our rope preferences infographic, and “Best-For…” rope picks.

Books
  • Better Bondage for Every Body: This book by Evie Vane is actually a collection of essays by bondage experts from around the world. Chapters focus on bondage for curvy bottoms, male bottoms, older bottoms, bottoms with special physical conditions, and more. There are also chapters devoted to stretching and anatomy.
  • Complete Shibari: This series by Douglas Kent uses a clever “paint-by-numbers” shorthand to break the most complex ties into simple recipes.
  • The Seductive Art of Japanese Bondage: The famed Shibari instructor Midori explains step by step how to tie a number of beautiful Japanese bondage poses. She also provides helpful background information about the history of Shibari, rope selection, and other related topics.
Tutorials (listed in order of complexity)
  • Two Knotty Boys: This oldie but goodie is a well-organized single page of must-know ties to get you started. The free video tutorials don’t include voice-over, but the TKB show the steps of each tie clearly.
  • Twisted Monk: Twisted Monk’s free videos use spoken instruction and focus on ties that can be learned quickly by a beginner. As an added bonus, they sometimes include the fabulous rope artist Midori.
  • Crash Restraint: This site is a free progressive rope learning class which goes into detail on the hows and whys of equipment and ties. The site is moderately well maintained, but some of the more advanced ties have missing videos.
  • The Duchy: This extensive and colorful site provides both illustrated step-by-step instructions and well-made videos, some of which are free. A serious downside is that most of the videos don’t include a live model, and none include a bottom’s perspective.
  • Self-Suspension: Even if you’re a rigger who never bottoms, you can learn indispensable lessons from the excellent Shay Tiziano’s free videos.
  • Shibari Study: Gorgone uses her world-class shibari artistry to teach a series of beautiful and complex suspension ties that pay particular attention to the comfort of the rope bottom. Some of the videos are free, but the more advanced ones are available only with a subscription.
  • Bruce Esinem: This is the most comprehensive set of (expensive) Japanese-style rope tutorials available.
Rope bottoming resources
  • Rope bottoming educators: Comprehensive list of rope bottoming instructors, mostly in the U.S. Must be a member of FetLife to view the link.
  • Rope bottoms’ share group: An online discussion group run by and for rope bottoms (or switches who wish to participate as bottoms). The main purpose of the group is to support one another as rope bottoms and vet tops. Must be a member of FetLife to view the link.

Sex

  • Esther Perel: Renowned couples therapist Perel has written and talked about desire, erotic intelligence, and relationships for decades. Her podcast, “Where Should We Begin?” allows listeners to be a fly on the wall during therapy sessions with real couples with intimacy issues.
  • OMGYes: This unique website devoted to increasing women’s pleasure includes interviews with women about what gets them off in which they demonstrate on their own vulvas (in a non porny way). This is coupled with scientific information about women’s pleasure based on research conducted in partnership with the Kinsey Institute as well as simulations in which you get to practice the techniques shown on digital models of these real women’s vulvas as they give you feedback. It’s an excellent tool for women who want to get to know their own bodies better as well as for partners. A one-time fee for each season grants you permanent access. Season 1 focuses primarily on clitoral and vulvar stimulation, and season 2 focuses more on penetration.

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One couple’s insights into BDSM. About us.

 

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