The vast majority of people fantasize about dirty talk during sex, especially people who fantasize about BDSM. But turning these fantasies into reality can be a challenge if you don’t know what to say or are afraid you’ll blurt out something embarrassing that will kill the mood. Our BDSM dirty talk guide brings together everything kinky couples like us need to know based on the best ideas from books, articles, classes, and hours of hot (and occasionally awkward) BDSM research.
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If you’ve ever fantasized about someone “forcing” you to have sex, you’re in good company. According to sex educator and researcher Justin Lehmiller, a majority of people of all genders have fantasized about being ravished or “raped.” But why? What causes this taboo thought in so many of us, myself included?
(more…)Originally posted on September 25, 2018; updated on January 22, 2021
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When I first started getting in touch with my kinky side, I became obsessed with consensual nonconsent (CNC)—also known as rape or ravishment fantasies—as a way to lose control. By obsessed I mean I thought about it daily, researched it constantly, and knew it was something I needed to do. I started reading Casual Encounters on Craigslist regularly (back when that section still existed) to see what my options might be. Ultimately I was too scared to go that route, though, and it wasn’t until I met Vagabond that I was able to make my dream come true. (more…)
The start of your submissive BDSM journey is an exciting time, but where do you begin? What signs should you look for along the way? What if you encounter obstacles? While there is no one true way to be submissive, this guide lays out some basic tips to help you navigate the road ahead.
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“Am I still a submissive if I only act that way in the bedroom?” “Am I still doing BDSM if I’m not doing it 24/7?” The answer is “of course!” but it’s no wonder that questions like these abound given the amount of conflicting information about BDSM that’s available and how much of it seems to ignore or belittle non-24/7 dynamics. But we’re here to set the record straight. Bedroom-only dominance and submission (D/s) is just as legitimate as 24/7 D/s.
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Slut, whore, cunt, bitch—what do these words have in common? If your answer is “degrading terms typically used to describe women,” you’d be correct. But if you said “names that Mimsy likes to be called in bed,” you’d also be right. So how is it that words I find highly offensive outside the bedroom are unbelievably hot in it? Welcome to the world of erotic humiliation. (more…)
A conversation about how we met and started doing rope bondage.
Mimsy: When I met you, I had just ended a six-year vanilla relationship a few months before and had been on what one of my friends jokingly called the “fuck tour.” After some tantalizing experiences with kinky guys, the tour came to a screeching halt because I contracted genital HSV-1 and experienced an absolutely horrendous outbreak that left me gun-shy and nervous.
Confession: I’m a sub who has never experienced subspace. (more…)
One of my first truly kinky experiences was with a guy who bent me over on his couch, lifted up my dress, and spanked me until my ass was red and bruised. I didn’t want him to stop, but was it because I got off on pain or was it because it made me feel submissive?
It would take me some time to answer that question. While the same guy spanked me during future encounters, it was never with the intensity of that first time. It was simply an accompaniment to other activities, so I didn’t get a clear sense of what I liked about it. (more…)
For as long as I can remember, I’ve wanted to lose control. And then I found BDSM. (more…)
