If you’re a bottom or a sub, you may think your job in BDSM is to follow your dom’s lead. After all, you’re not the one tying people up or dishing out the punishments. But just because you’re not in charge of the scene doesn’t mean you aren’t responsible for understanding what’s happening and doing your part to ensure it goes smoothly. These BDSM safety tips will help you play more safely, stay informed, and have even more fun in your scenes.(more…)
Originally posted on September 25, 2018; updated on December 5, 2022
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When I first started getting in touch with my kinky side and learning about BDSM, I became obsessed with consensual nonconsent (CNC). I thought CNC—also known as rape or ravishment fantasies—would be the ultimate way to lose control. By obsessed I mean I thought about it daily, researched it constantly, and knew it was something I needed to do. I started reading Casual Encounters on Craigslist regularly (back when that section still existed) to see what my options might be. Ultimately I was too scared to go that route, though, and it wasn’t until I met Vagabond that I was able to make my dream come true.(more…)
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There’s a common perception among non-BDSM practitioners that submissives suffer from low self-esteem. Otherwise, how could they possibly allow themselves to be debased (so the thinking goes)? This belief is bolstered by people in the BDSM community who admit to feeling worthless and believe themselves to be inferior to just about everyone. But exactly how true is the assumption that BDSM subs have low self-esteem?(more…)
There are dozens of articles about the telltale signs of bad dominants in BDSM dynamics, but what about bad submissives? What red flags should doms look for in potential subs, and what behaviors should subs avoid? Here are the top 5 signs of bad submissives that doms should be aware of.(more…)
The vast majority of people fantasize about dirty talk during sex, especially people who fantasize about BDSM. But turning these fantasies into reality can be a challenge if you don’t know what to say or are afraid you’ll blurt out something embarrassing that will kill the mood. Our BDSM dirty talk guide brings together everything kinky couples like us need to know based on the best ideas from books, articles, classes, and hours of hot (and occasionally awkward) BDSM research.(more…)
If you’ve ever fantasized about someone “forcing” you to have sex, you’re in good company. According to sex educator and researcher Justin Lehmiller, a majority of people of all genders have had “rape” or ravishment fantasies. But why? What causes this taboo thought in so many of us, myself included?(more…)
The start of your submissive BDSM journey is an exciting time, but where do you begin? What signs should you look for along the way? What if you encounter obstacles? While there is no one true way to be submissive, this guide lays out some basic tips to help you navigate the road ahead.(more…)
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“Am I still a submissive if I only act that way in the bedroom?” “Am I still doing BDSM if I’m not doing it 24/7?” The answer is “of course!” but it’s no wonder that questions like these abound given the amount of conflicting information that’s available and how much of it seems to ignore or belittle bedroom-only D/s dynamics. But we’re here to set the record straight. Bedroom-only dominance and submission (D/s) is just as legitimate as 24/7 D/s.(more…)
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Slut, whore, cunt, bitch—what do these words have in common? If your answer is “degrading terms typically used to describe women,” you’d be correct. But if you said “names that Mimsy likes to be called in bed,” you’d also be right. So how is it that words I find highly offensive outside the bedroom are unbelievably hot in it? Welcome to the world of erotic humiliation. (more…)
A conversation about how we met and started doing rope bondage.
How we Met
Mimsy: When I met you, I had just ended a six-year vanilla relationship a few months before and had been on what one of my friends jokingly called the “fuck tour.” After some tantalizing experiences with kinky guys, the tour came to a screeching halt because I contracted genital HSV-1 and experienced an absolutely horrendous outbreak that left me gun-shy and nervous.