For new doms, creating a good BDSM scene can seem as mysterious as cooking a gourmet meal without a recipe is to a novice in the kitchen. Where do you start? What ingredients do you use? What do you do if things don’t go according to plan? Here are our answers to those questions.(more…)
Spanking, flogging, and even whipping are all accepted forms of impact play for many kinksters, but rough body play—punching, slapping, kicking, and so on—can make even experienced players flinch (pun intended). Punching in particular seems to get a bad rap even though it can be an intensely visceral way of connecting to your partner if done the right way.(more…)
Originally posted on September 25, 2018; updated on November 2, 2019
When I first started getting in touch with my kinky side, I became obsessed with consensual nonconsent (CNC)—also known as rape or ravishment fantasies—as a way to lose control. By obsessed I mean I thought about it daily, researched it constantly, and knew it was something I needed to do. I started reading Casual Encounters on Craigslist regularly (back when that section still existed) to see what my options might be. Ultimately I was too scared to go that route, though, and it wasn’t until I met Vagabond that I was able to make my dream come true. (more…)
It’s easy to get a lot of things wrong about BDSM if you learn about it from pop culture, fashion magazines, and most of the top sites on the Internet. When Mimsy was new to BDSM, her education at Google University led her to wonder if there was a place for her in the community as a bedroom-only D/s enthusiast because it seemed like the scene was meant only for 24/7 lifestylers. When Vagabond was starting out, he thought BDSM was all about S/M, impact, and role playing and didn’t discover D/s until later. Over time, we separated the myths and misconceptions from the reality, and now we hope others can learn from our mistakes.(more…)
Hi there. It’s me, the bad bottom your DomlyDom mentor warned you about. I won’t use safewords, and I don’t have a limits list. I don’t play with people who want them. I don’t get what I need from kink when those things are on the table.
First of all: yes.
And also: a totally legitimate way to play.(more…)
Warning: This post contains some spoilers.
The switchy dance of dominance/submission and voyeurism/exhibitionism that’s established in season 1 of Killing Eve is amplified in season 2. Villanelle is alive, and rather than being furious at Eve for nearly killing her, she seems to view the stabbing as something that irreparably binds them together—the ultimate act of intimacy. But Villanelle isn’t the only female assassin in town now. Another woman, dubbed the Ghost, is also killing high-profile targets and has eclipsed Villanelle while she’s been recovering from her wound.(more…)
Warning: This post contains some spoilers.
If you haven’t seen Killing Eve, chances are you’ve heard about it—the show about Eve, a buttoned-up British intelligence agent, and Villanelle, the charming sociopath assassin she’s after. Much has been written about the show’s excellent acting and writing, strong female characters, and the sexual orientations of Eve and Villanelle. But something that has been curiously and consistently overlooked is that this show is kinky as fuck. In fact, when viewed through a BDSM lens, the LGBT themes in the show quickly take a backseat to a pervasive switchy voyeurism/exhibitionism dynamic that’s fueled by danger.(more…)
We interrupt our semi-regularly scheduled posting to bring you this special announcement: We got engaged! Vagabond popped the question in front of the speakeasy in Greenwich Village where we met for our first date three years ago, and Mimsy was overjoyed. On the walk home, the conversation turned kinky.
Vagabond: Asking for your hand was the last question I’m ever going to ask you.
Mimsy: Oh, really? Why’s that?
Vagabond: Because everything else, I’m just going to take.
Needless to say, we’re beyond thrilled to spend the rest of our kinky lives together and would love to figure out a way to give a nod to BDSM at our wedding without tipping off the vanilla folk. Handfasting, for example, is something we’ve considered, because it represents being bound together on two levels: symbolically and, for us, literally, because we practice rope bondage. It’s the kind of thing that will be a recognizable double entendre for our kinky friends, but will be seen as nothing more than a lovely ritual by guests who aren’t in the know.
Are there other things we could incorporate into the wedding or reception that would function on kinky and vanilla levels at the same time? We want to know!
If you’ve had your own kinky wedding, have attended someone else’s, or just have great ideas you’ve tucked away about how to subtly reference BDSM on your special day, we’re all ears. Leave a comment below or contact us directly!
How can you keep things kinky on the go when it’s not always feasible or practical to take all your BDSM gear along with you? Here’s how to avoid a vanilla vacation even when you’re traveling light.(more…)