Bound Together
One couple’s insights into BDSM

Bound Together

One couple’s insights into BDSM

Latest Posts

What’s the Deal with BDSM Energy Play and Sex Magic?

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Cupped palms against a mystical, New Age purple background suggestive of swirling energy.

“Start by pulling magic out of your fingers…”

—“The Invisible Toybox: Incorporating Energy Work into BDSM,” Raven Kaldera 

If you’ve been exploring BDSM for any length of time, you’ve undoubtedly stumbled across references to BDSM energy play, sex magic, and the like. A quick online search conjures up workshops on “exploring energy play in kink,” guides on using sex magic to “manifest positive life energy,” and D/s classes on “conscious energy flow, power exchange, and feeding.”  But what does any of this mean? In this post, we’ll translate these mystical concepts into plain facts.

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How to Find a Long-Term, Monogamous BDSM Relationship

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Woman looking at cell phone with disgusted expression on her face

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“How do you find a long-term partner who is into kink?”; “Having a hard time dating/finding a partner”; “Are respectful, long-term relationships likely or even possible between a dom and a sub?” These are just a few of the many posts on BDSM forums from people who are struggling to find a long-term, monogamous BDSM relationship.

Estimates vary, but according to some studies, nearly 35 percent of adults have engaged in BDSM, and over half have fantasized about it. Further, the vast majority of adults are monogamous. Given these stats, why does it seem to be so difficult for monogamous kinksters to find long-term relationships? One possible reason is that they’re looking in the wrong places.

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Tips for Entering the BDSM Scene as a Single Man

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Couple walking at night with umbrella

About 10 years ago, I became single after a very long relationship and decided it was time to explore my kinky interests in the New York City BDSM scene. As a very introverted 30-something single man, I knew it wouldn’t be easy for me. I was aware that more straight men than women often attend BDSM events, and I had very little experience with BDSM. I wasn’t even sure exactly what I was interested in. I was curious about domination but also enjoyed certain types of “masochism.” Where to begin? 

For my first solo mission, I decided to go to a “munch,” an informal plainclothes hangout of kinky people. I came up with a strategy that led me to a series of kinky successes and might work for you, too.

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Movie Review and Recap: The Feeling That the Time for Doing Something Has Passed

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A woman kneeling, naked, in front of a clothed man sitting on a chair
Joanna Arnow and Scott Cohen in The Feeling That the Time for Doing Something Has Passed, a Magnolia Pictures release. Photo courtesy of Magnolia Pictures.

The Feeling That the Time for Doing Something Has Passed (2024) is billed as a “hilarious comedy” that follows a NYC woman’s kinky—and vanilla—dating misadventures as she simultaneously navigates her boring corporate job and overbearing parents.

The director and star, Joanna Arnow, clearly understands that BDSM can be just as mundane and funny as any other facet of a person’s life. But by the end, the overall message seems to be considerably gloomier, namely that a long-term serious relationship and BDSM are fundamentally incompatible.

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Research Recap: Is Communication the Key to Good BDSM? 

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An open red zipper in the shape of lips talking

As anyone in the BDSM community knows, communication is touted as essential to good BDSM. Aside from consent, there is perhaps nothing that kinksters value more. And now science is acknowledging the benefits of communication in BDSM. An April 2024 study confirms that communication is in fact directly responsible for sexual satisfaction among BDSM participants. Here’s what you need to know about the study.

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Bound Together
One couple’s insights into BDSM