Once you realize you’re kinky, it’s natural to start wondering why. Were you born this way, or did something happen to spur your interest in BDSM? The nature vs. nurture debate is far from settled, but we’ve taken a look at our own paths to BDSM as well as available research to see what it can tell us.(more…)
Playing It Safe: The Ins and Outs of Safewords
Originally posted on March 4, 2019; updated on May 16, 2023
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From vanilla women’s magazines to online forums about kink, the first piece of advice that newbies to BDSM often get is to use a safeword. But the discussion about safewords often stops there. Let’s take a closer look at this often cited but poorly explained mainstay of BDSM.
The Legality of Erotic Choking
A recent article published by the National Coalition for Sexual Freedom provides an overview of the legality of erotic choking and breath play across the U.S. The main takeaway is that breath play in some form is illegal in almost all states. Here are some data points:
- In only 4 states, consent is a defense to choking someone.
- In 11 states, erotic choking is legal as long as no one gets hurt.
- In all 50 states, the following activities are legal:
- Breath play that involves telling someone else to hold their own breath or cover their own nose and mouth
- Neck grasping that doesn’t involve pressure and squeezing
- Gags, hoods, and collars that don’t prevent normal breathing
Check out our detailed guide on breath play and choking in BDSM for techniques and safety tips.
Netflix’s Obsession: A Damaged Story about BDSM
As an Amazon Associate, we earn from qualifying purchases made via one of the links below (at no additional cost to you). Note: this post contains spoilers.
While much has already been written about Netflix’s four-part erotic thriller Obsession, the focus has been on the thin plot, overwrought music, and cringeworthy moments. But what about the BDSM and kink in Obsession that numerous click-baity headlines have mentioned? Just how kinky is this series? And is its portrayal of BDSM and kinky people authentic?(more…)
Do “Fake” Doms Really Exist?
There are dozens of warnings in the BDSM community about fake doms* and how to spot them. They’re inexperienced, they’re physically or emotionally abusive, they ignore limits and safewords, they gain submission through fear tactics, and so on. But is it correct to call these people “fake” doms? Or are they bad, real doms? Is there a difference?(more…)