We’re a monogamous, feminist couple with kids in our 40s who practice BDSM in the bedroom and in the scene. We started Bound Together—a BDSM blog—because we thought our experiences and ideas about kink might be of interest to others who are either in a similar boat or who are just curious.
I’m a heterosexual submissive cis woman who followed a long and circuitous path to BDSM. Although I had an inkling I was kinky in my early 20s, I didn’t have the vocabulary to describe it or the wherewithal to truly explore those feelings until much later, after being in a series of vanilla relationships, including a marriage. In my late 30s, I realized that something was missing and began seeking kinky encounters. I quickly decided there was no going back.
I’m a heterosexual cis man. As a kid, I fantasized about bound women, and electrocuted myself with medical equipment, but I didn’t understand I was kinky until the end of my marriage. My first Internet date was at age 35 and landed me at a surreal BDSM yacht party. After years of “research and development” of BDSM and relationship styles, I discovered that I’m dominant, monogamous, and just a little bit of a masochist.
We met on a vanilla dating app in 2016. Vagabond had “kinky” in his profile, which caught Mimsy’s eye. We had amazing chemistry from the start and it didn’t take us long to realize we wanted to be together for the long haul. We live together in New York City and have Vagabond’s two children with us half the time. We both have full-time jobs that often require us to work overtime, so we’re active in the kink scene, but only as much as our schedules allow. We have a D/s dynamic in the bedroom, and our play often involves rope bondage, impact, humiliation, knife play, and CNC.
The majority of BDSM blogs that we’ve encountered are written by people who live the lifestyle 24/7, which can make it seem like this is the only way people participate in BDSM. In reality, however, most kinksters are not in the “scene” or role playing all the time. We started Bound Together to give voice to the vast majority of BDSM players who, like us, are super kinky, but only in the bedroom. Also, there are more than enough sex and BDSM blogs out there that do sex toy reviews, so you won’t find any of those here.
Our perspective on BDSM is also informed by our ardent feminism. Although we are a male dominant and a female submissive, we do not subscribe to any so-called “natural order” gender roles that support patriarchal constructs. For us, BDSM is an escape from our vanilla responsibilities and roles, not a reflection of misogyny.
In 2020, we launched BT Bights on Bound Together—a space for us to write bite-sized posts on sex, love, and relationship topics that extend beyond BDSM.