Bound Together
One couple’s insights into BDSM

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Consensual Non-consent (CNC): What It Is, How to Negotiate It, and How to Do It Safely

By Mimsy and Vagabond
In Communication, Dominance, How-To Guides, Submission
June 23, 2026
23 Min Read
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Originally posted on September 25, 2018; updated on June 23, 2026

Man pinning woman's wrists to wall

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When Mimsy first started getting in touch with her kinky side and learning about BDSM, she became obsessed with consensual non-consent (CNC). Also known as rape or ravishment play, CNC is a type of BDSM role-play in which the participants agree in advance to simulate a non-consensual act. This could resemble playful reluctance, full-blown abduction and “forced” sex, or myriad scenarios in between. Despite what it may look like, CNC is not assault. In fact, it’s one of the most carefully prepared types of play in BDSM. In this post, we’ll explain exactly what to consider as you plan a CNC scene.

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Beyond Consent: BDSM Activities That Are Too Dangerous

By Mimsy and Vagabond
In Basics
May 28, 2026
9 Min Read
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Woman with rope around her neck

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Many of the things BDSM players enjoy, like impact, CNC, and rope bondage, involve more risk than vanilla sex. In some cases, that’s even part of the appeal. It’s also why the BDSM community spends so much time emphasizing consent and safety. The thinking goes that as long as the people involved are consenting risk-aware adults, they can do what they want—a philosophy reflected in frameworks like SSC and RACK. We disagree and think it’s time to talk plainly about BDSM activities that are simply too dangerous to do. As cases ripped from the headlines show, consent alone isn’t enough. In this post, we’ll discuss a few kinks that should always be off limits, others that require education to do properly, and red flags everyone should watch out for.

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If Everyone Is Kinky, Is Anyone? The BDSM Terminology Debate

By Mimsy and Vagabond
In Basics, Communication
April 30, 2026
6 Min Read
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Large red and white striped circus tent

Passionate romance, deep intimacy, erogenous zones, eye contact. This is not a list of ingredients in PG-13 sex scenes. These have all been claimed as “kinks” by people discussing sex online, along with bondage, pet play, D/s, and anything else that typically falls under the BDSM umbrella. If everything and everyone is kinky, what does the word even mean? Is it beneficial for the definitions of kink and BDSM to keep expanding? We’ll explore these questions and more in this post, starting with where these words came from and how we got here.

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Your Kinkiest Fantasies Are More Normal Than You Think: Results from the Big Kink Survey

By Mimsy and Vagabond
In Research
March 30, 2026
6 Min Read
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Woman crouching while gently tugging on a belt wrapped around a crawling man's neck

Have you ever wondered if your kinks are too weird or dark? Now, thanks to the largest kink survey in the known universe, we have the data to prove they aren’t. Aella, a rationalist, sex worker, and “survey artist,” has spent years running and refining a survey of nearly 300 kinky dimensions. As of today, the Big Kink Survey (BKS) has over a million respondents and offers an unprecedented look into our collective kinky psyche. Though it offers a treasure trove of data, its greatest insight isn’t about what people are into, but rather how surprisingly common all our kinks are. Here are five key takeaways from the BKS.

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Pillion: Why This BDSM Film Isn’t the Rom-Com You Think It Is

By Mimsy and Vagabond
In Entertainment
February 26, 2026
8 Min Read
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A man with water dripping down his face and a padlock chained around his neck
Photo courtesy of A24.

“A timid man is swept off his feet when an enigmatic, impossibly handsome biker takes him on as his submissive.” That’s the anodyne description of the new BDSM movie Pillion, directed by Harry Lighton. Reviewers are describing it in even more lighthearted terms, calling it a rom-com (or dom-com), which, based on the trailer, is a fair assumption. But in reality, the movie is a much darker and less funny portrayal of an unhealthy BDSM dynamic that lacks proper negotiation and is largely getting a pass because it focuses on gay men instead of a heterosexual couple. Let’s dive into the details. (This post contains spoilers.)

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Beyond “Yes Means Yes”: Understanding Erotic Astonishment

By Mimsy and Vagabond
In Communication
January 29, 2026
9 Min Read
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Woman with eyes open wide in astonishment

In the early days of Mimsy’s kink exploration, she hooked up with a guy who slapped her across the face during sex. It was utterly surprising and thrilling and remains etched in her memory to this day. The catch? It wasn’t negotiated in advance. Of course, this goes against every bit of BDSM conventional wisdom: Communicate clearly, negotiate before a scene, get explicit permission. But what about things you don’t know you want and therefore wouldn’t consent to in advance—BDSM surprises that only work because they catch you off guard? This is where the concept of erotic astonishment comes in. 

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BDSM vs. Self-Harm: Understanding the Difference Between Hurt and Harm

By Mimsy and Vagabond
In Health
December 28, 2025
7 Min Read
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Person with scars on arm

As a teenager, Vagabond sought out creative ways to shock himself—with low-voltage electronics, exposed wires, computer parts, you name it. As an adult, Mimsy was in a long-term relationship with a man who used to punch himself until he bruised. To an outside observer, these two behaviors might look very similar. After all, they both involve self-inflicted injury. But for Vagabond, shocking himself to feel sharp, sustained pain was a way to satisfy his masochistic desires, whereas Mimsy’s partner punched himself out of self-loathing and rage. In this post, we’ll explore the distinction between BDSM and self-harm—or, as the kink community might frame it, the distinction between hurt and harm.

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Research Recap: How Your Childhood Affects Your BDSM Interests 

By Mimsy and Vagabond
In Research
November 30, 2025
4 Min Read
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angry-looking woman

The BDSM community has spent years combating the stubborn notion that being kinky is somehow the result of an unhappy or abusive childhood. Into spanking? Then you must have been spanked as a kid. Into being dominated by a man? You must have daddy issues. It was a relief when some studies showed that kinksters aren’t any more likely to have childhood trauma than vanilla people. But research is always evolving, and now a 2025 study paints a more complex picture. Here’s what you need to know.

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How to Be a Submissive in BDSM: A Beginner’s Guide

By Mimsy and Vagabond
In Basics, How-To Guides, Submission
October 30, 2025
16 Min Read
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woman in lacy bra with wrists in cuffs

If you get turned on by being told what to do in bed, obeying your partner’s commands, or being erotically humiliated, it’s possible you’re a submissive. This is the flip side of the D/s coin, or the “right side of the slash.” Whereas dominants guide the scenes and set the rules, submissives follow their lead. But, like follows in dance, submissives are responsible for maintaining their own frame and balance, making the entire D/s scene and dynamic possible.    

Welcome to Part 2 of our complete guide to D/s, where we’ll be exploring all the ins and outs of being a BDSM submissive. (In Part 1, we did a deep dive into dominance.). In this post, we cover:

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How to be a Dominant in BDSM: A Beginner’s Guide

By Mimsy and Vagabond
In Basics, Dominance, How-To Guides
September 25, 2025
15 Min Read
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Man in a suit resting a riding crop against his palm

Ever felt the pull to take charge in the bedroom? To be the one who guides the experience, sets the rules, and is responsible for your partner’s pleasure and surrender? You might have a dominant inside you waiting to come out.

Among all the facets of BDSM (bondage and discipline, dominance and submission, sadism and masochism), dominance and submission (D/s) is arguably the most widely practiced, and it’s easy to see why. Giving and taking control (power exchange) doesn’t require fancy toys or gear—it’s mental. And while it may seem simple, doing it well takes more than instinct.

Welcome to Part 1 of our complete guide to D/s. To kick off this series, we’re doing a deep dive into the left side of the slash to explore the dominant mindset. We cover:

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Bound Together
One couple’s insights into BDSM