Spanking, hair pulling, slapping, spitting—these are just some of the activities that a lot of people consider to be part of rough sex. But these acts also fall squarely under the umbrella of BDSM. So is there a difference between rough sex and BDSM? If so, what is it? And if there isn’t, then why don’t more people simply call rough sex BDSM?(more…)
Many pro dommes in the U.S. and elsewhere are now requiring their subs to get vaccinated before they will agree to session with them. Although some dommes have seen a dip in business because of this requirement, the majority of their subs have complied. Even subs who were initially reluctant usually agreed to get jabbed rather than give up seeing their mistress.
For dommes, requiring vaccinations is the smart and right thing to do given the fact that social distancing isn’t really feasible during most sessions. Vaccine mandates are also in keeping with the BDSM community’s heavy emphasis on safety.
Hopefully this trend will continue!
This post was originally published on June 21, 2020 and was updated on August 15, 2021.
If you’re White, keep reading! Don’t make the mistake of thinking these BIPOC BDSM resources don’t pertain to you. They absolutely do.
In the wake of the murders of George Floyd, Breonna Taylor, Ahmaud Arbery, and countless other Black people, we, like so many Americans, have joined the effort to prevent such atrocities from occurring in the future. But the changes that need to occur in this country go far beyond ending police brutality. Every community needs to take a step back and reflect on what it can do to not only make space for BIPOC but ensure they are welcome participants and leaders. And the BDSM community is no exception.(more…)
Originally posted on October 9, 2018; updated on August 13, 2021
“I am a Dom (switch) and my sub has requested that I drug them and play with/use/have sex with them while they are asleep or near-asleep, in a drugged state. I’m wary . . . but I’d definitely try it if there was a guaranteed safe way of
doing this. . .” —Reddit
Early in our BDSM journeys, we both strongly connected with the popular mantra of practicing Safe, Sane, and Consensual (SSC) kink. We interpreted this abbreviation to mean that BDSM has an advantage over vanilla sex because of the deliberate acknowledgment of safety between partners.
When we first noticed people replacing it with Risk Aware Consensual Kink (RACK), we were skeptical. The contrast seemed unnecessary, so we imagined these groups just wanted an edgier tagline—”We’re not safe or sane. We’re risky kinksters!” But once we started looking into the history of both abbreviations, we started to feel differently. (more…)
Dogs Don’t Wear Pants (Koirat eivät käytä housuja), a 2019 Finnish “erotic black comedy,” is billed as a story about the healing power of BDSM. But is it? We weren’t convinced. As kinksters, it’s always a pleasant surprise to find a film where the writer/director has done some homework and attempts to show some aspects of BDSM realistically. Some movies don’t even try. Unfortunately, this story of a man’s struggle with survivor’s guilt and kink addiction displays few elements of healthy, consensual BDSM. We have a lot more to say about this movie and it’s lone developed (male) character. Read on for a recap and critique.(more…)
Although BDSM is often associated with fancy leather or latex outfits and expensive equipment, the truth is you don’t need any of that to partake. You can be just as kinky using homemade gear or things you already own. Here are some of our favorite ways to do BDSM on the cheap.(more…)
There are dozens of articles about the telltale signs of bad dominants in BDSM dynamics, but what about bad submissives? What red flags should doms look for in potential subs, and what behaviors should subs avoid? Here are the top 5 signs of bad submissives that doms should be aware of.(more…)
We’re living proof that a couple that is egalitarian in every way can still enjoy hot BDSM play. This even includes fantasy scenes that toy with sexist gender-normative themes such as slut shaming and CNC. But as much as the BDSM scene purports to be feminist and all about consent, the unfortunate truth is that whatever societal ills plague the vanilla world are just as present in the BDSM community, including misogyny.(more…)