Posts – Bound Together

August 31, 2023

8 Min Read

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close-up of a man and woman in tight embrace — NEON Cinema

As an Amazon Associate, we earn from qualifying purchases made via one of the links below (at no additional cost to you).

Sanctuary (2022), a taut psychological BDSM drama directed by Zachary Wigon, tells the story of Hal (Christopher Abbott), a wealthy hotel scion who attempts to call off his long-standing arrangement with his pro dom Rebecca (Margaret Qualley). But Rebecca isn’t willing to give him up without a fight, and emotional and physical chaos ensue.

As the latest entry into the BDSM film catalog, there’s a lot to appreciate about Sanctuary. It’s clear the filmmakers did their research and portrayed some authentic aspects of a kinky dynamic, even though it’s pushed over the top for the sake of the drama. Perhaps predictably, this is not the film to watch if you want pointers on how to conduct a healthy BDSM dynamic, but it does a number of things quite well if you view it through the lens of fantasy.

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BDSM When Life Gets in the Way

By Mimsy and Vagabond

In Basics, Communication

July 27, 2023

4 Min Read

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Over time, most couple’s sex lives ebb and flow—and the same is true with BDSM. Grief, illness, and other stressful life events can and do interfere with BDSM. This was our situation recently after the death of an immediate family member followed by illness. Even though these kinds of lulls are inevitable in a long-term relationship, we didn’t want to let the BDSM spark fade completely because it helps us sustain the romance, fun, and connection in our relationship. We came up with a few ways to keep our BDSM dynamic alive when life gets in the way, which may work for you as well.

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A guide to BDSM Safety for Bottoms and Subs

By Mimsy Borogoves

In Basics, How-To Guides, Submission

June 29, 2023

7 Min Read

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Man and woman facing each other; woman's hands are handcuffed behind her back.

If you’re a bottom or a sub, you may think your job in BDSM is to follow your dom’s lead. After all, you’re not the one tying people up or dishing out the punishments. But just because you’re not in charge of the scene doesn’t mean you aren’t responsible for understanding what’s happening and doing your part to ensure it goes smoothly. These BDSM safety tips will help you play more safely, stay informed, and have even more fun in your scenes.

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Are Kinky People Born or Made?

By Mimsy and Vagabond

In Basics, Research

May 25, 2023

5 Min Read

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Once you realize you’re kinky, it’s natural to start wondering why. Were you born this way, or did something happen to spur your interest in BDSM? The nature vs. nurture debate is far from settled, but we’ve taken a look at our own paths to BDSM as well as available research to see what it can tell us.

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Playing It Safe: The Ins and Outs of Safewords

By Mimsy and Vagabond

In Basics

May 16, 2023

6 Min Read

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Originally posted on March 4, 2019; updated on May 16, 2023

As an Amazon Associate, we earn from qualifying purchases made via some of the links below
(at no additional cost to you).

From vanilla women’s magazines to online forums about kink, the first piece of advice that newbies to BDSM often get is to use a safeword. But the discussion about safewords often stops there. Let’s take a closer look at this often cited but poorly explained mainstay of BDSM.

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The Legality of Erotic Choking

By Mimsy Borogoves

In BT Bights

May 1, 2023

1 Min Read

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A recent article published by the National Coalition for Sexual Freedom provides an overview of the legality of erotic choking and breath play across the U.S. The main takeaway is that breath play in some form is illegal in almost all states. Here are some data points:

In only 4 states, consent is a defense to choking someone.
In 11 states, erotic choking is legal as long as no one gets hurt.
In all 50 states, the following activities are legal:
- Breath play that involves telling someone else to hold their own breath or cover their own nose and mouth
- Neck grasping that doesn’t involve pressure and squeezing
- Gags, hoods, and collars that don’t prevent normal breathing

Check out our detailed guide on breath play and choking in BDSM for techniques and safety tips.

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Netflix’s Obsession: A Damaged Story about BDSM

By Mimsy and Vagabond

In Entertainment

April 27, 2023

7 Min Read

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Man and woman about to kiss with the word Obsession below.

As an Amazon Associate, we earn from qualifying purchases made via one of the links below (at no additional cost to you). Note: this post contains spoilers.

While much has already been written about Netflix’s four-part erotic thriller Obsession, the focus has been on the thin plot, overwrought music, and cringeworthy moments. But what about the BDSM and kink in Obsession that numerous click-baity headlines have mentioned? Just how kinky is this series? And is its portrayal of BDSM and kinky people authentic?

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Do “Fake” Doms Really Exist?

By Mimsy and Vagabond

In Dominance

March 30, 2023

4 Min Read

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There are dozens of warnings in the BDSM community about fake doms* and how to spot them. They’re inexperienced, they’re physically or emotionally abusive, they ignore limits and safewords, they gain submission through fear tactics, and so on. But is it correct to call these people “fake” doms? Or are they bad, real doms? Is there a difference?

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Essential Rope Bondage Tips for Beginners

By Mimsy and Vagabond

In Basics, Rope

February 23, 2023

9 Min Read

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Woman's arms and upper body tied up with red and black rope — *Photographer and rigger: Vagabond; model: Mimsy*

When people ask for beginner rope bondage advice, the response is often that they should pay to join an advanced shibari tutorial website. While information on the intricacies of shibari and rope suspension may be useful for people who are farther along in their rope journey, this isn’t an accessible entry point for those who are just starting out. Here, we’ve collected some essential, user-friendly tips and tutorials for rope bondage beginners.

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Bondage Rope Roundup

By Mimsy and Vagabond

In Rope

February 20, 2023

5 Min Read

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Originally published Dec. 5, 2018; updated Feb. 20, 2023

We fell in love with rope bondage at the beginning of our relationship, and it’s still a pivotal part of our play today. When you’re new to bondage, it can be overwhelming. What kind of rope should you buy? How do you decide? This guide is a breakdown of the pros and cons of the myriad types of rope on the market for bondage.

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