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Killing Eve: Season 3

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Unfortunately, the D/s themes that were so prominent in seasons 1 and 2 of Killing Eve are far more muted in season 3—except for a phenomenal scene in the third episode (spoiler alert).

In this season, Eve reluctantly gets roped back into pursuing the Twelve, the secret organization Villanelle works for as an assassin. She and Villanelle don’t cross paths until the third episode, but it’s worth the wait. Eve is minding her own business on a bus when Villanelle suddenly appears in front of her. They immediately begin fighting—slapping, screaming, and hurling each other from seat to seat. You almost wonder if this is a dream of Eve’s, but it isn’t. At one point, Villanelle pins Eve under her and they kiss right before Eve head butts her. Villanelle eventually gets off the bus, and Eve goes to work disheveled and stunned. There is no clear winner.

In some ways, this scene sets the stage for switchy power dynamics, but that thread isn’t pulled through the rest of the season consistently until the season finale. Eve and Villanelle dance together and tellingly can’t decide who’s leading. Later, they try to part ways for good, but fail, instead solidifying a romantic bond born out of a bizarre mutual understanding. Villanelle says to Eve, “I think my monster encourages your monster.” At that point, it’s not clear who has the upper hand. We’ll have to wait until season 4 to find out.

Benign Masochism

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This weekend, we attended Shay Tiziano’s virtual class “Stand Back—I’m Going to Try Science!” as part of Ropecraft’s Homebound conference. Shay is one of our BDSM heroes and loves to geek out on the science of kink.

One of the most interesting tidbits in this class was related to benign masochism. This refers to experiences that our brains perceive as negative at first, but that we come to enjoy once we realize they pose no real danger. Examples include eating spicy food, riding rollercoasters, and watching horror movies.

It may come as no surprise that many kinky people derive more pleasure out of such activities than vanilla people. Shay even did a poll in the class asking participants to rate their enjoyment of beer, unsweetened coffee, thrill rides, sad movies, massage pain, squeezing pimples, spicy food, and a few other things. At the end of the class, she showed how our results compared with the population at large, and we kinky folk liked all of these things way more. This was true for me as well, even though I don’t really consider myself to be a masochist when it comes to BDSM.

365 Things Wrong with 365 Days

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Movie poster for 365 Days

In case you haven’t heard, there’s a new 50 Shades Polish knock-off called 365 Days that, despite being widely panned by critics, has become a Netflix sensation due to its “mind-blowing bondage” and other racy sex scenes. The movie tells the story of Massimo, an Italian mob boss, who kidnaps Laura, a Polish woman he’s obsessed with, and gives her 365 days to fall in love with him. (What could possibly go wrong?!) While some have defended the movie as pure fantasy, it presents a warped view of consent and BDSM that may be confusing to its many Gen Z fans.

Although there are undoubtedly 365 things wrong with 365 Days, we’ll spare you the minutiae and focus on 5 big ones. We’ve spoiled it so you won’t have to suffer through it. You’re welcome.

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Black, Indigenous, and People of Color BDSM Resources

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Black Lives Matter!
We may earn a small commission (at no additional cost to you) if you make a purchase via some of the links below. 

If you’re White, keep reading! Don’t make the mistake of thinking these Black, Indigenous, and People of Color (BIPOC) BDSM resources don’t pertain to you. They absolutely do. 

In the wake of the murders of George Floyd, Breonna Taylor, Ahmaud Arbery, and countless other Black people, we, like so many Americans, have joined the effort to prevent such atrocities from occurring in the future. But the changes that need to occur in this country go far beyond ending police brutality. Every community needs to take a step back and reflect on what it can do to not only make space for BIPOC but ensure they are welcome participants and leaders. And the BDSM community is no exception.

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The Hottest Thing in a BDSM Relationship? Trust.

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Wartenberg wheel on bare skin

Would you let someone you don’t trust spank you, tie you up, and call you names? Probably not. Trust is integral to a BDSM relationship and is ultimately what makes any kind of power exchange so hot. Taking another person’s control away or letting them take it from you is thrilling, risky, and raw. Without trust, neither partner can completely let go and enjoy the moment. But with trust, BDSM and power exchange can bring partners closer together and eventually pave the way to rougher or riskier play.

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Kink in the Time of the Coronavirus

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Bird flying out of birdcage as if freed for the first time.

As the coronavirus (COVID-19) continues to wreak havoc across the globe, many of us are living under restricted and isolated circumstances that are challenging, to say the least. Suddenly, all the activities we took for granted in our “old” lives—hanging out with friends, going out to eat, stress-free sex—seem like ancient history as we struggle to find a new sense of equilibrium. But in the midst of all this chaos and uncertainty due to the coronavirus, kink and BDSM can provide a crucial way to regain a sense of control.

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BDSM Convention Tips: Top 10 Things to Know Before You Go

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Kinky sex toys on top of clothes in an open suitcase

The first time we attended a BDSM convention, we had no idea what to expect. Would we fit in? Would we know what to do? What to wear? The short answer is yes! BDSM conventions warmly welcome everyone regardless of age or body type. Further, we were relieved to discover that BDSM “cons” share more similarities with other types of conventions than you might guess: educational sessions, vendors, social events, and crappy hotel food. Of course, most conventions don’t include dungeons.

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Playing Dress-Up: What to Wear to Kink Events

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Woman wearing lingerie under a cropped jacket

“Fetish Costumes Only! No Casual Street Clothes! No Jeans!” If you’ve ever considered going to a kink event but hesitated because of seemingly strict dress codes like this one, you’re not alone. The good news is that it’s very unlikely you’ll need to buy a closet full of fetish wear to attend a BDSM party. With a little creativity, you can whip up something perfectly suitable using what you already own.

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Bound Together

One couple’s insights into BDSM. About us.






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