As the year comes to a close, it’s once again time to think about New Year’s resolutions. Rather than simply vowing to eat better and exercise more, why not add a kinky resolution to the list? Here are five ideas that are both valuable and achievable. (more…)
One day in the summer of 2004, I woke up with what I thought was a UTI. I’d had them before and detected the tell-tale burning sensation. I made an appointment with my gynecologist. Little did I know that this would be the beginning of a condition I’d never even heard of but that would leave me in chronic pain for years to come.(more…)
We fell in love with rope bondage at the beginning of our relationship, and it’s still a pivotal part of our play today. Not unlike wine connoisseurs, rope enthusiasts can be opinionated snobs, and we’re no different. The following guide is a breakdown of the pros and cons of the myriad types of rope on the market from the perspective of the rope bottom and the rigger and is a result of our experimentation over the years. We’ve discovered that there is no perfect rope for everything; there are always trade-offs. So whether you’re a masochist who loves suspension, or just want an upgrade from your faux fur restraints, we recommend you keep a few of the following ropes at the ready. (more…)
Slut, whore, cunt, bitch—what do these words have in common? If your answer is “degrading terms typically used to describe women,” you’d be correct. But if you said “names that Mimsy likes to be called in bed,” you’d also be right. So how is it that words I find highly offensive outside the bedroom are unbelievably hot in it? (more…)
In the following true story, the names have been changed but the dicks are real.
“What exactly is a ‘fun’ swinger party to you? Sucked off 9 times and fucked by 14 people??” a friend texted me. I had just described my evening at a hotel swinger party, an experience which would be a fulfilling sexual adventure by many people’s standards.
“I think I’m just not a swinger.” (more…)
“Sex isn’t something you do; it’s a place you go.” —Esther Perel, Couples Therapist and Author
In my past long-term vanilla relationships, the sex and desire always faded, and in some cases dwindled to almost nothing, usually around the same time the guy and I moved in together. There were myriad reasons for this: physical ailments, depression, lack of communication, mismatched libidos, lack of true chemistry. But the heart of the matter was, well, the heart. The familiarity and affectionate routines that inevitably developed over time, and were enhanced by living together, encroached on eroticism and eventually smothered it. Metaphorically, sex wasn’t a place we went because there was nowhere to go. The people we were during sex were the same people we were in the rest of life. Sex wasn’t a departure from ourselves; it was merely a continuation. (more…)
“I am a Dom (switch) and my sub has requested that I drug them and play with/use/have sex with them while they are asleep or near-asleep, in a drugged state. I’m wary . . . but I’d definitely try it if there was a guaranteed safe way of doing this. . .” —Reddit
Early in our BDSM journeys, we both strongly connected with the popular mantra of practicing Safe, Sane, and Consensual (SSC) kink. We interpreted this abbreviation to mean that BDSM has an advantage over vanilla sex because of the deliberate acknowledgment of safety between partners. (more…)
On the eve of Supreme Court Justice nominee Brett Kavanaugh’s hearing in which Christine Blasey Ford would deliver wrenching testimony about how Kavanaugh sexually assaulted her in high school, my partner, Vagabond, tied me up, hit me, slapped me in the face, called me a slut and a whore, and fucked my brains out. I loved every second of it. How? Consent. (more…)
When I first started getting in touch with my kinky side, I became obsessed with consensual nonconsent (CNC)—also known as rape or ravishment fantasies—as a way to lose control. By obsessed I mean I thought about it daily, researched it constantly, and knew it was something I needed to do. I started reading Casual Encounters on Craigslist regularly (back when that section still existed) to see what my options might be. Ultimately I was too scared to go that route, though, and it wasn’t until I met Vagabond that I was able to make my dream come true. (more…)
So, you identify as a top or a bottom, a dominant or a submissive, or really any kind of kinkster. Now what? Contrary to popular belief, the qualities that make a good top/dominant or a good bottom/submissive are more alike than different. (more…)