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BDSM Convention Tips: Top 10 Things to Know Before You Go

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Kinky sex toys on top of clothes in an open suitcase

The first time we attended a BDSM convention, we had no idea what to expect. Would we fit in? Would we know what to do? What to wear? The short answer is yes! BDSM conventions warmly welcome everyone regardless of age or body type. Further, we were relieved to discover that BDSM “cons” share more similarities with other types of conventions than you might guess: educational sessions, vendors, social events, and crappy hotel food. Of course, most conventions don’t include dungeons.

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Playing Dress-Up: What to Wear to Kink Events

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Woman wearing lingerie under a cropped jacket

“Fetish Costumes Only! No Casual Street Clothes! No Jeans!” If you’ve ever considered going to a kink event but hesitated because of seemingly strict dress codes like this one, you’re not alone. The good news is that it’s very unlikely you’ll need to buy a closet full of fetish wear to attend a BDSM party. With a little creativity, you can whip up something perfectly suitable using what you already own.

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Rough Body Play: How to Punch Someone You Care About

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Two fists in a fist bump
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Spanking, flogging, and even whipping are all accepted forms of impact play for many kinksters, but rough body play—punching, slapping, kicking, and so on—can make even experienced players flinch (pun intended). Punching in particular seems to get a bad rap even though it can be an intensely visceral way of connecting to your partner if done the right way.

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Everything You Ever Wanted to Know About CNC But Were Afraid to Ask

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Originally posted on September 25, 2018; updated on January 22, 2021

Man's arms pinning woman's arms to a wall

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When I first started getting in touch with my kinky side, I became obsessed with consensual nonconsent (CNC)—also known as rape or ravishment fantasies—as a way to lose control. By obsessed I mean I thought about it daily, researched it constantly, and knew it was something I needed to do. I started reading Casual Encounters on Craigslist regularly (back when that section still existed) to see what my options might be. Ultimately I was too scared to go that route, though, and it wasn’t until I met Vagabond that I was able to make my dream come true.  (more…)

10 Myths about BDSM

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A unicorn labeled "myth" next to a rhino labeled "reality"

It’s easy to get a lot of things wrong about BDSM if you learn about it from pop culture, fashion magazines, and most of the top sites on the Internet. When Mimsy was new to BDSM, her education at Google University led her to wonder if there was a place for her in the community as a bedroom-only D/s enthusiast because it seemed like the scene was meant only for 24/7 lifestylers. When Vagabond was starting out, he thought BDSM was all about S/M, impact, and role playing and didn’t discover D/s until later. Over time, we separated the BDSM myths and misconceptions from the reality, and now we hope others can learn from our mistakes.

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Killing Kinking Eve: Season 2

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Scene from season 2 of Killing Eve; woman in flouncy dress wearing a pig mask and holding a knife
Photo Credit: Parisa Taghizadeh/BBCAmerica.

Warning: This post contains some spoilers.

The switchy dance of dominance/submission and voyeurism/exhibitionism that’s established in season 1 of Killing Eve is amplified in season 2. Villanelle is alive, and rather than being furious at Eve for nearly killing her, she seems to view the stabbing as something that irreparably binds them together—the ultimate act of intimacy. But Villanelle isn’t the only female assassin in town now. Another woman, dubbed the Ghost, is also killing high-profile targets and has eclipsed Villanelle while she’s been recovering from her wound. 

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Killing Kinking Eve: Season 1

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Warning: This post contains some spoilers.

If you haven’t seen Killing Eve, chances are you’ve heard about it—the show about Eve, a buttoned-up British intelligence agent, and Villanelle, the charming sociopath assassin she’s after. Much has been written about the show’s excellent acting and writing, strong female characters, and the sexual orientations of Eve and Villanelle. But something that has been curiously and consistently overlooked is that this show is kinky as fuck. In fact, when viewed through a BDSM lens, the LGBT themes in the show quickly take a backseat to a pervasive switchy voyeurism/exhibitionism dynamic that’s fueled by danger.

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