Bound Together
One couple’s insights into BDSM

BT Bights

Bite-sized thoughts on sex, love, and relationships.

The Legality of Erotic Choking


A recent article published by the National Coalition for Sexual Freedom provides an overview of the legality of erotic choking and breath play across the U.S. The main takeaway is that breath play in some form is illegal in almost all states. Here are some data points:

  • In only 4 states, consent is a defense to choking someone.
  • In 11 states, erotic choking is legal as long as no one gets hurt.
  • In all 50 states, the following activities are legal:
    • Breath play that involves telling someone else to hold their own breath or cover their own nose and mouth
    • Neck grasping that doesn’t involve pressure and squeezing
    • Gags, hoods, and collars that don’t prevent normal breathing

Check out our detailed guide on breath play and choking in BDSM for techniques and safety tips.

How Common Is BDSM?


Fairly common, as it turns out, which isn’t super surprising. A survey of more than 9,000 people in Finland revealed that about 35 percent of men and 38 percent of women were interested in BDSM sex. Interest was much higher among non-heterosexual respondents vs. heterosexual ones and among younger respondents (18–28 years old) vs. older ones.

When it came to having participated in BDSM, more non-heterosexual people had tried BDSM than straight people. Thirty-seven percent of women had been submissive once or more as compared to 23 percent of men, and 32 percent of men had been dominant once or more as compared to 25 percent of women. These findings were in line with previous studies showing that men skew more toward dominant, and women skew more toward submissive. It’s worth noting, however, that these numbers dropped to single digits (except for bisexual people) when the frequency increased to monthly or more. This suggests that while BDSM may be common for people to try, it’s far less common for BDSM to be a regular part of sex.

The study also assessed associations between personality traits and interest in BDSM. For both men and women there was a negative association between BDSM interest and honesty-humility and conscientiousness, but there was a positive association between interest in BDSM and openness to experience. The study authors noted that for personality associations, “the effect sizes were negligible at best, thus offering no real practical implications.”

One of the biggest limitations of the study was that all the respondents were twins or siblings, so they may have been raised differently than only children. The study authors didn’t mention it, but it doesn’t seem out of the realm of possibility that there might be some sort of genetic predispositions to certain sexual activities as well.

Interested in other studies about BDSM? Check out all of our posts about BDSM research.

Pro Dommes Requiring COVID-19 Vaccinations


Many pro dommes in the U.S. and elsewhere are now requiring their subs to get vaccinated before they will agree to session with them. Although some dommes have seen a dip in business because of this requirement, the majority of their subs have complied. Even subs who were initially reluctant usually agreed to get jabbed rather than give up seeing their mistress.

For dommes, requiring vaccinations is the smart and right thing to do given the fact that social distancing isn’t really feasible during most sessions. Vaccine mandates are also in keeping with the BDSM community’s heavy emphasis on safety.

Hopefully this trend will continue!

The Clit Is Key


If you spend more than a few minutes perusing various sex subreddits, you will inevitably encounter posts from men and women wondering why their female partners or they themselves cannot orgasm from PIV alone. I’ve responded to my fair share of such posts to explain that the clit is there for a reason, but these attempts at education often fall on deaf ears.

Bound Together
One couple’s insights into BDSM