As we speed toward 2024, we thought it would be fun to end the year with a roundup of some of the best and weirdest BDSM highlights of 2023. Remember the Armie Hammer #metoo scandal? That was reexamined this year through a BDSM lens. BDSM also sparked outrage on a college campus in Tennessee. And a much beloved kinky cafe in San Francisco closed. There were also a number of new books, movies, and studies about BDSM that came out this year. Read on to get the full 2023 recap.
BDSM in the News
Back in February, James Kirchick wrote an in-depth piece in Air Mail on the Armie Hammer #metoo scandal. Hammer is an actor who, in 2021, was accused of rape and other nonconsensual acts by Effie Angelova. Various other women accused Hammer of subjecting them to his BDSM fantasies. Hammer was quickly dropped from multiple projects and became the butt of a lot of jokes because of his cannibalistic “I want to eat you” style of dirty talk. Kirchick presents pretty convincing evidence that the “rape” was in fact a consensual CNC scene. As for the other women’s allegations, Hammer admits that there was a power imbalance in those relationships that made consent on their part complex. All in all, this is a fascinating account of the intricacies of being famous and kinky.
In September, another older case involving BDSM was resurrected, though one that’s much more serious. Jessica Lopez, one of three people convicted of killing Brittany Kilgore more than a decade ago as part of a twisted BDSM fantasy, asked a judge to vacate her sentence. Why? Lopez claims that she was merely a submissive following orders back then and confessed to a murder she didn’t commit for her doms. Under a new law in California that’s retroactive, people who don’t play a significant role in a murder no longer face a murder charge. A judge wasn’t convinced by Lopez’s tale of woe, however, and refused to grant her request.
On a lighter note, Courtney Casgraux, an Oregon Democratic congressional candidate, was outed as a former pro domme when someone posted a clip of her working in a dungeon online. Although she was initially furious, Casgraux decided to forge ahead with her campaign and use the doxxing incident as a springboard to “reclaim her sexuality.” Her constituents may not agree, though, given that her campaign had raised less than $800 when the story broke in November—but perhaps she’ll find some supporters on Playboy where she sells racy videos for as much as $450.
Also in November, a chaplain at Rhodes College in Tennessee was under attack for planning to host a BDSM 101 workshop led by a pro domme. While she viewed the workshop as an important opportunity to discuss safety and consent, the school disagreed and pulled the plug as soon as they found out about it.
BDSM Events
There are too many annual BDSM events to list, but there were a couple of notable event closures in 2023.
First, the popular Denver BDSM conference Thunder in the Mountains gave up the ghost after nearly 25 years. The most obvious reason was because the event lost its hotel contract, but its demise was a long time coming according to one of its founders. In the beginning, the conference had been a place where long-time members of the BDSM community could convene, but eventually, it became inundated with more and more newbie “tourists” who didn’t understand BDSM do’s and don’ts and began crossing lines with hotel staff, which put the entire event in jeopardy. Once the hotel contract was yanked, it gave the organizers a chance to go back to the event’s roots and rebrand as a new members-only conference called the Guild of Deviated Standards. This new conference, which launched this year, tops out at 600 attendees and aims to “offer classes with an emphasis on more advanced seminars that focus on the physical and psychological aspects of the lifestyle. Limited beginner and intermediate educational opportunities will be offered.”
In San Francisco, the kinky cafe, art gallery, and boutique Wicked Grounds closed after 14 years due to decreased revenue and patrons. All is not lost, however. Even though the brick and mortar location was a COVID casualty, Wicked Grounds still hosts its popular online BDSM classes and will continue to do so.
BDSM Books and Studies
Much to rope bondage enthusiasts’ delight, Lazarus Redmayne, aka the Duchy, released his guide to bondage, Foundations of Rope Bondage. As the title suggests, this is a book for beginners and focuses on fundamental knots, single- and double-column ties, and chest and hip harnesses. It culminates with a chapter on how to build scenes using multiple ties. The book includes numerous photos detailing every step. We haven’t had a chance to dig into our copy yet, but at first glance, this looks like a great addition to the rope bondage canon.
There were also two additions to the academic literature on BDSM: The Power of BDSM: Play, Communities, and Consent in the 21st Century and The Deep Psychology of BDSM and Kink. The former is an anthology of scholarly examinations of BDSM play and practices, relationships and communities, representations and personal reflections, and ethics and consent. It includes chapters about age play; the negative perception of kink in Johannesburg, South Africa; the criminalization of BDSM activities; and much more. Deep Psychology “investigates how the concept of soul is connected to BDSM and kink, exploring the world of alternative sexualities through the psychology of C. G. Jung and James Hillman.”
There were also a few new studies published about various facets of BDSM this year. “Associations between Sexually Submissive and Dominant Behaviors and Sexual Function in Men and Women” shows that while BDSM does improve sexual function, it comes at the cost of increased sexual distress. Check out our Research Recap on this study for all the details. “BDSM in North America, Europe, and Oceania: A Large-Scale International Survey Gauging BDSM Interests and Activities” found that more people in North America practice BDSM in a public context than in Europe or Oceania, while Europeans begin fantasizing about BDSM earlier in life. And “An International Survey of BDSM Practitioner Demographics: The Evolution of Purpose for, Participation in, and Engagement with, Kink Activities” confirmed a number of unsurprising findings about why and how people engage in BDSM.
BDSM in Entertainment
First up this year was Netflix’s erotic thriller miniseries Obsession, which, as we noted in our review and recap, fell short on a number of fronts. The actors do their best with what they’ve got, but there’s very little character development. As a result, the audience doesn’t much care when the main characters’ relationship inevitably combusts. Unfortunately, the BDSM aspects of Obsession end up falling just about as flat as the characters.
The feature film Sanctuary arrived this year for general audiences after its 2022 festival circuit. There’s a lot to appreciate about this psychological thriller. It’s clear the filmmakers did their research and portrayed some authentic aspects of a kinky dynamic, even though it’s pushed over the top for the sake of the drama. Perhaps predictably, this is not the film to watch if you want pointers on how to conduct a healthy BDSM dynamic, but it does a number of things quite well if you view it through the lens of fantasy. We dig into all the details in our review and recap.
Per usual, we got to see a number of kinky shorts this year via CineKink, the kinky film festival. We commented on them all in our post about them, but two stood out above the rest. Krush the Wrestler is a documentary short about a man who developed a wrestling fetish when young, perhaps as a way to covertly explore his homosexuality. He later capitalized on his fetish by making bespoke wrestling videos for other wrestling fetishists and has a booming business. Krush is his wrestling character—a man who does what he wants and doesn’t repress any part of himself. His observations about wrestling and fetishism are insightful and poignant.
In the short Good Girl, Rachel is a high-achieving, Jewish “good girl” who is tired of playing by the rules. She starts fantasizing about being dominated in various ways and starts seeing BDSM—hidden and overt—in unlikely places, including a deli, the hospital where she works, and a friend’s son’s bris. This is a really well made, charming film with great acting.
That’s a wrap for 2023! We’re looking forward to more kinky happenings in the year ahead.