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“Please, Sir, Make It Hurt…Less”: On Being a Reluctant Masochist

By Mimsy Borogoves
In Masochism, Submission
July 28, 2018
4 Min Read
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Woman bent over on bed being smacked with a riding crop.

One of my first truly kinky experiences was with a guy who bent me over on his couch, lifted up my dress, and spanked me until my ass was red and bruised. I didn’t want him to stop, but was it because I got off on pain or was it because it made me feel submissive?

It would take me some time to answer that question. While the same guy spanked me during future encounters, it was never with the intensity of that first time. It was simply an accompaniment to other activities, so I didn’t get a clear sense of what I liked about it. (more…)

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The Ultimate Guide to BDSM Dirty Talk

By Mimsy and Vagabond
In Basics, Communication, Dominance, Submission
March 28, 2021
9 Min Read
T
Man standing behind woman talking in her ear as he pins her hands to a glass door.

The vast majority of people fantasize about dirty talk during sex, especially people who fantasize about BDSM. But turning these fantasies into reality can be a challenge if you don’t know what to say or are afraid you’ll blurt out something embarrassing that will kill the mood. Our BDSM dirty talk guide brings together everything kinky couples like us need to know based on the best ideas from books, articles, classes, and hours of hot (and occasionally awkward) BDSM research.

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Everything You Ever Wanted to Know About CNC But Were Afraid to Ask

By Mimsy with contributions from Vagabond
In Communication, Dominance, Submission
November 2, 2019
20 Min Read
E

Originally posted on September 25, 2018; updated on January 22, 2021

Man's arms pinning woman's arms to a wall

We may earn a small commission (at no additional cost to you) if you make a purchase via one of the links below.

When I first started getting in touch with my kinky side, I became obsessed with consensual nonconsent (CNC)—also known as rape or ravishment fantasies—as a way to lose control. By obsessed I mean I thought about it daily, researched it constantly, and knew it was something I needed to do. I started reading Casual Encounters on Craigslist regularly (back when that section still existed) to see what my options might be. Ultimately I was too scared to go that route, though, and it wasn’t until I met Vagabond that I was able to make my dream come true.  (more…)

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10 Myths about BDSM

By Mimsy and Vagabond
In Basics
September 23, 2019
6 Min Read
1
A unicorn labeled "myth" next to a rhino labeled "reality"

It’s easy to get a lot of things wrong about BDSM if you learn about it from pop culture, fashion magazines, and most of the top sites on the Internet. When Mimsy was new to BDSM, her education at Google University led her to wonder if there was a place for her in the community as a bedroom-only D/s enthusiast because it seemed like the scene was meant only for 24/7 lifestylers. When Vagabond was starting out, he thought BDSM was all about S/M, impact, and role playing and didn’t discover D/s until later. Over time, we separated the BDSM myths and misconceptions from the reality, and now we hope others can learn from our mistakes.

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The Only Kinky Movies You’ll Ever Need to See

By Mimsy and Vagabond
In Entertainment
January 5, 2019
7 Min Read
T
Scene from the movie Belle de Jour in which Catherine Deneuve's wrists are bound with rope while a man kisses her neck.
Belle de Jour

Originally posted on August 5, 2018; updated on January 5, 2019

In recent years, there have been a slew of lists in mainstream media (usually timed with the release of yet another 50 Shades movie) identifying “the best BDSM movies” or movies that “do BDSM better than 50 Shades” (a pretty low bar, if you ask us). But do these roundups really represent the best kinky movies?

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Rope Roundup

By Mimsy and Vagabond
In Rope
December 5, 2018
6 Min Read
R

We fell in love with rope bondage at the beginning of our relationship, and it’s still a pivotal part of our play today. Not unlike wine connoisseurs, rope enthusiasts can be opinionated snobs, and we’re no different. The following guide is a breakdown of the pros and cons of the myriad types of rope on the market for bondage from the perspective of the rope bottom and the rigger. We’ve discovered that there is no perfect rope for everything; there are always trade-offs. So whether you’re a masochist who loves suspension, or just want an upgrade from your faux fur restraints, we recommend you keep a few of the following ropes at the ready.  (more…)

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