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One couple’s insights into BDSM

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On Being a Reluctant BDSM Masochist

By Mimsy Borogoves
In Masochism, Submission
July 28, 2018
4 Min Read
O
Photo of a riding crop and a paddle

One of my first BDSM experiences was with a guy who bent me over on his couch, lifted up my dress, and spanked me until my ass was red and bruised. I didn’t want him to stop, but was it because I was a masochist or because it made me feel submissive?

It would take me some time to answer that question. While the same guy spanked me during future encounters, it was never with the intensity of that first time. It was simply an accompaniment to other activities, so I didn’t get a clear sense of what I liked about it. (more…)

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A guide to BDSM Safety for Bottoms and Subs

By Mimsy Borogoves
In Basics, How-To Guides, Submission
June 29, 2023
7 Min Read
A
Man and woman facing each other; woman's hands are handcuffed behind her back.

If you’re a bottom or a sub, you may think your job in BDSM is to follow your dom’s lead. After all, you’re not the one tying people up or dishing out the punishments. But just because you’re not in charge of the scene doesn’t mean you aren’t responsible for understanding what’s happening and doing your part to ensure it goes smoothly. These BDSM safety tips will help you play more safely, stay informed, and have even more fun in your scenes.

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Bondage Rope Roundup

By Mimsy and Vagabond
In Rope
February 20, 2023
6 Min Read
B

Originally published Dec. 5, 2018; updated Feb. 20, 2023

Multiple hanks of rope

We earn from qualifying purchases made via some of the links below (at no additional cost to you).

We fell in love with rope bondage at the beginning of our relationship, and it’s still a pivotal part of our play today. When you’re new to bondage, it can be overwhelming. What kind of rope should you buy? How do you decide? This guide is a breakdown of the pros and cons of the myriad types of rope on the market for bondage.

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18 Kinky Valentine’s Day Gifts

By Mimsy Borogoves
In Entertainment
January 12, 2023
5 Min Read
1
A flogger arranged in the shape of a heart

As an Amazon Associate, we earn from qualifying purchases made via some of the links below (at no additional cost to you). We may earn from non-Amazon links as well.

February is fast approaching, so without further ado, here’s our curated list of kinky Valentine’s Day gifts for the BDSM lovers in your life!

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There’s No One True Way to Do BDSM

By Mimsy Borogoves
In Basics
December 29, 2022
6 Min Read
T
Scissors cutting a piece of paper with the word RULES on it

When I first realized I might be kinky and started researching BDSM, I wondered whether the abbreviation described me. I knew I was sexually submissive, but I wasn’t a masochist, nor was I interested in a 24/7 dynamic. Yet everything I read online led me to believe those were natural, if not essential, traits and goals for a submissive. It took some time for me to realize that many BDSM “requirements” aren’t requirements at all and that beyond a few basic principles, there’s no one true way to do any of it.

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Everything You Ever Wanted to Know About CNC But Were Afraid to Ask

By Mimsy with contributions from Vagabond
In Communication, Dominance, How-To Guides, Submission
December 5, 2022
20 Min Read
E

Originally posted on September 25, 2018; updated on December 5, 2022

Man pinning woman's wrists to wall

As an Amazon Associate, we earn from qualifying purchases made via one of the links below (at no additional cost to you).

When I first started getting in touch with my kinky side and learning about BDSM, I became obsessed with consensual nonconsent (CNC). I thought CNC—also known as rape or ravishment fantasies—would be the ultimate way to lose control. By obsessed I mean I thought about it daily, researched it constantly, and knew it was something I needed to do. I started reading Casual Encounters on Craigslist regularly (back when that section still existed) to see what my options might be. Ultimately I was too scared to go that route, though, and it wasn’t until I met Vagabond that I was able to make my dream come true. 

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The Biggest BDSM Beginner Mistakes 

By Mimsy and Vagabond
In Basics
November 23, 2022
9 Min Read

Blocks that spell out Do's and Don'ts

Once you realize you’re kinky, it can be tempting to dive headfirst into BDSM without taking the time to learn some basic do’s and don’ts. We certainly made our fair share of missteps in the beginning! We’ve grouped some of the most common BDSM beginner mistakes into four categories: basic misunderstandings, too much too soon, unsafe practices, and fear of failure. Let’s take a closer look at each one.

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The Only Kinky Movies You’ll Ever Need to See

By Mimsy and Vagabond
In Entertainment
October 10, 2022
8 Min Read
T
Man kissing the back of a woman's neck while woman is tied to a tree
Belle de Jour

Originally posted on August 5, 2018; updated on October 10, 2022. As an Amazon Associate, we earn from qualifying purchases made via some of the links below (at no additional cost to you).

In recent years, there have been a slew of lists in mainstream media (usually timed with the release of yet another 50 Shades movie) identifying “the best BDSM movies” or movies that “do BDSM better than 50 Shades” (a pretty low bar, if you ask us). But do these roundups really represent the best kinky movies?

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The Complete Guide to BDSM Spanking

By Mimsy and Vagabond
In Basics, How-To Guides, Masochism
January 27, 2022
15 Min Read
T
Illustration of a man bent over a woman's lap while she spanks him.

As an Amazon Associate, we earn from qualifying purchases made via some of the links below (at no additional cost to you). 

Spanking is one of our favorite BDSM activities because it’s such an effective way to combine intimacy, eroticism, and D/s in one maneuver that’s pretty easy to learn and doesn’t require any special equipment. Our guide covers everything you need to know. 

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The Ultimate Guide to BDSM Dirty Talk

By Mimsy and Vagabond
In Basics, Communication, Dominance, How-To Guides, Submission
March 28, 2021
9 Min Read
T
Man standing behind woman talking in her ear as he pins her hands to a glass door.

The vast majority of people fantasize about dirty talk during sex, especially people who fantasize about BDSM. But turning these fantasies into reality can be a challenge if you don’t know what to say or are afraid you’ll blurt out something embarrassing that will kill the mood. Our BDSM dirty talk guide brings together everything kinky couples like us need to know based on the best ideas from books, articles, classes, and hours of hot (and occasionally awkward) BDSM research.

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Bound Together
One couple’s insights into BDSM