This weekend, we attended Shay Tiziano’s virtual class “Stand Back—I’m Going to Try Science!” as part of Ropecraft’s Homebound conference. Shay is one of our BDSM heroes and loves to geek out on the science of kink.
(more…)10 Myths about BDSM
It’s easy to get a lot of things wrong about BDSM if you learn about it from pop culture, fashion magazines, and most of the top sites on the Internet. When Mimsy was new to BDSM, her education at Google University led her to wonder if there was a place for her in the community as a bedroom-only D/s enthusiast because it seemed like the scene was meant only for 24/7 lifestylers. When Vagabond was starting out, he thought BDSM was all about S/M, impact, and role playing and didn’t discover D/s until later. Over time, we separated the BDSM myths and misconceptions from the reality, and now we hope others can learn from our mistakes.
(more…)Kinky Shorts: Films that Hit and Miss the Mark
Am I a Subpar Sub?
Confession: I’m a sub who has never experienced subspace. (more…)
D Is for Dominance
“I trust that you will say ‘yellow’ or ‘red’ if things start to get too intense. You are so safe with me. I’m going to take such good care of you.” And then she smacked me so fucking hard in the face that I thought I would die.
—My journal, May 11, 2012
About Us
We’re a monogamous, feminist couple with kids in our 40s who practice BDSM in the bedroom and in the scene. We started Bound Together—a BDSM blog—because we thought our experiences and ideas about kink might be of interest to others who are either in a similar boat or who are just curious.
Mimsy Borogoves
I’m a heterosexual submissive cis woman who followed a long and circuitous path to BDSM. Although I had an inkling I was kinky in my early 20s, I didn’t have the vocabulary to describe it or the wherewithal to truly explore those feelings until much later, after being in a series of vanilla relationships, including a marriage. In my late 30s, I realized that something was missing and began seeking kinky encounters. I quickly decided there was no going back.
Vagabond
I’m a heterosexual cis man. As a kid, I fantasized about bound women, and electrocuted myself with medical equipment, but I didn’t understand I was kinky until the end of my marriage. My first Internet date was at age 35 and landed me at a surreal BDSM yacht party. After years of “research and development” of BDSM and relationship styles, I discovered that I’m dominant, monogamous, and just a little bit of a masochist.
Our Relationship
We met on a vanilla dating app in 2016. Vagabond had “kinky” in his profile, which caught Mimsy’s eye. We had amazing chemistry from the start, and it didn’t take us long to realize we wanted to be together for the long haul. We live in New York City, where we got married in 2021, and have Vagabond’s two children with us half the time. We both have full-time jobs that often require us to work overtime, so we’re active in the kink scene when our schedules allow. We have a D/s dynamic in the bedroom, and our play often involves rope bondage, impact, humiliation, knife play, and CNC.
Our Vision
The majority of BDSM blogs that we’ve encountered are written by people who live the lifestyle 24/7, which can make it seem like this is the only way people participate in BDSM. In reality, however, most kinksters are not in the “scene” or role playing all the time. We started Bound Together to give voice to the vast majority of BDSM players who, like us, are super kinky, but only in the bedroom. Also, there are more than enough sex and BDSM blogs out there that do sex toy reviews, so you won’t find any of those here.
Our perspective on BDSM is also informed by our ardent feminism. Although we are a male dominant and a female submissive, we do not subscribe to any so-called “natural order” gender roles that support patriarchal constructs. For us, BDSM is an escape from our vanilla responsibilities and roles, not a reflection of misogyny.
In 2020, we launched BT Bights on Bound Together—a space for us to write bite-sized posts on sex, love, and relationship topics that extend beyond BDSM.
How to Support Our Work
Unfortunately, running a blog is not free (we wish it were). And we firmly believe readers have a better experience without ads all over the site, so we don’t have any. If you like our work and want to help support us, feel free to donate by clicking the button below (or elsewhere on the site). Thanks!