As anyone in the BDSM community knows, communication is touted as essential to good BDSM. Aside from consent, there is perhaps nothing that kinksters value more. And now science is acknowledging the benefits of communication in BDSM. An April 2024 study by Anabel Carty and Adam Davidson confirms that communication is in fact directly responsible for sexual satisfaction among BDSM participants. Here’s what you need to know about the study.
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We recently attended a virtual class on sub and top drop—a feeling of depression that can occur after BDSM scenes—and how to deal with it when it happens. The instructor made it sound as if drop is an inevitable byproduct of great BDSM scenes. This struck us as odd, considering we’ve done hundreds of scenes and have never once experienced drop! This led us to wonder what drop really is, what causes it, and how it can be avoided. We address these questions and more in this post.
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In a previous post about BDSM myths, we tackled common misconceptions that newcomers to BDSM often have, such as “pain is intrinsic to BDSM” and “real D/s dynamics are 24/7.” This time, we’re going to address several BDSM myths that are prevalent within the BDSM community and tend to spur debate when they come up.
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Rope bondage can be beautiful and rewarding, but it can also be time consuming if you want to do anything more complex than basic ties. It requires a level of patience on the part of the top and the bottom that not everyone has, and even if you’re very familiar with rope, you might want to add another dimension to your bondage. And sometimes you just want to cut to the chase! Fortunately, there are quite a few alternatives to rope that are just as effective and fun for bondage.
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Beginner BDSM guides often make it seem like filling out extensive negotiation checklists and spreadsheets before playing is an essential step. But do you really need to catalog everything you plan to do in granular detail each and every time you decide to do a scene with someone? Probably not. In this post, we’ll break down the essential questions you need to consider for BDSM scenes whether you’re playing with someone new or a longtime partner.
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As we speed toward 2024, we thought it would be fun to end the year with a roundup of some of the best and weirdest BDSM highlights of 2023. Remember the Armie Hammer #metoo scandal? That was reexamined this year through a BDSM lens. BDSM also sparked outrage on a college campus in Tennessee. And a much beloved kinky cafe in San Francisco closed. There were also a number of new books, movies, and studies about BDSM that came out this year. Read on to get the full 2023 recap.
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At its best, BDSM is a way to help partners connect, communicate their desires, and live their fantasies. It comes as no surprise, then, that some research shows that practicing BDSM is associated with greater relationship satisfaction. But what about BDSM’s effect on sex? A May 2023 study compared the sexual function of people practicing D/s and those who don’t and uncovered interesting findings—some perhaps predictable and some concerning.
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CineKink, the annual kinky film festival based in New York City, was held in person this year for the first time since before the pandemic, but we were out of town when it happened. Fortunately, they aired all the films virtually earlier this month. Here’s our review roundup of the kinky shorts from the festival in alphabetical order. We also watched a full-length BDSM feature, which we review in brief at the end.
Krush the Wrestler, a documentary, was the best short of the bunch. Good Girl was also quite enjoyable and well made. Read on to see what we thought of the rest.
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One of the most common BDSM aphorisms is that there’s “no one true way.” Yet if you search for “punishment in BDSM” online, you’ll come away with the opposite impression due to two ubiquitous assumptions. The first is that punishment is a given in every D/s dynamic, and the second is that it’s real and leads to true behavior change. Our take? Nope and nope. If, like us, you find yourself not agreeing with these two common assumptions, you’ll be hard pressed to find any BDSM resources to back you up. This is why we’re providing one!
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Sanctuary (2022), a taut psychological BDSM drama directed by Zachary Wigon, tells the story of Hal (Christopher Abbott), a wealthy hotel scion who attempts to call off his long-standing arrangement with his pro dom Rebecca (Margaret Qualley). But Rebecca isn’t willing to give him up without a fight, and emotional and physical chaos ensue.
As the latest entry into the BDSM film catalog, there’s a lot to appreciate about Sanctuary. It’s clear the filmmakers did their research and portrayed some authentic aspects of a kinky dynamic, even though it’s pushed over the top for the sake of the drama. Perhaps predictably, this is not the film to watch if you want pointers on how to conduct a healthy BDSM dynamic, but it does a number of things quite well if you view it through the lens of fantasy.
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