There are dozens of articles about the telltale signs of bad dominants in BDSM dynamics, but what about bad submissives? What red flags should doms look for in potential subs, and what behaviors should subs avoid? Here are the top 5 signs of bad submissives that doms should be aware of.
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We’re living proof that a couple that is egalitarian in every way can still enjoy hot BDSM play. This even includes fantasy scenes that toy with sexist gender-normative themes such as slut shaming and CNC. But as much as the BDSM scene purports to be feminist and all about consent, the unfortunate truth is that whatever societal ills plague the vanilla world are just as present in the BDSM community, including misogyny.
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The vast majority of people fantasize about dirty talk during sex, especially people who fantasize about BDSM. But turning these fantasies into reality can be a challenge if you don’t know what to say or are afraid you’ll blurt out something embarrassing that will kill the mood. Our BDSM dirty talk guide brings together everything kinky couples like us need to know based on the best ideas from books, articles, classes, and hours of hot (and occasionally awkward) BDSM research.
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Aren’t consensual non-consent (CNC) scenes supposed to be carefully planned and negotiated? How can a CNC scene be done safely in the heat of the moment? The answer to the first question is yes! Especially if you have something elaborate in mind. But if you know your partner well, it’s entirely possible to add spontaneous CNC to your kinky repertoire without discussing every detail ahead of time.
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If you’ve ever fantasized about someone “forcing” you to have sex, you’re in good company. According to sex educator and researcher Justin Lehmiller, a majority of people of all genders have had “rape” or ravishment fantasies. But why? What causes this taboo thought in so many of us, myself included?
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The first time I was slapped in the face during sex was during a kinky hook-up. I was still new to BDSM at the time and wasn’t exactly sure what to expect. The surprise, the taboo of it, my submissiveness—I loved it all. Even though the guy hadn’t hit me that hard, I felt the sting for hours afterward, at least in my mind, and I knew immediately that I wanted to be with someone who would do that to me again. Fortunately, when I met Vagabond, he was more than happy to oblige.
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You’ve finally figured out how to label that super sexy way you like to be in control of the object of your desire; congratulations, you’re a dominant! There are as many ways to be dominant in BDSM as there are doms, but following the advice below will make you a better one. If you’re submissive or a non-dominant kinkster, you’re welcome to read on to get a glimpse of what makes a dominant tick, but you should also check out The New Submissive Survival Guide.
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Would you let someone you don’t trust spank you, tie you up, and call you names? Probably not. Trust is integral to a BDSM relationship and is ultimately what makes any kind of power exchange so hot. Taking another person’s control away or letting them take it from you is thrilling, risky, and raw. Without trust, neither partner can completely let go and enjoy the moment. But with trust, BDSM and power exchange can bring partners closer together and eventually pave the way to rougher or riskier play.
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As the coronavirus (COVID-19) continues to wreak havoc across the globe, many of us are living under restricted and isolated circumstances that are challenging, to say the least. Suddenly, all the activities we took for granted in our “old” lives—hanging out with friends, going out to eat, stress-free sex—seem like ancient history as we struggle to find a new sense of equilibrium. But in the midst of all this chaos and uncertainty due to the coronavirus, kink and BDSM can provide a crucial way to regain a sense of control.
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The first time we attended a BDSM convention, we had no tips to follow and no idea what to expect. Would we fit in? Would we know what to do? What to wear? The short answer is yes! BDSM conventions warmly welcome everyone regardless of age or body type. Further, we were relieved to discover that BDSM “cons” share more similarities with other types of conventions than you might guess: educational sessions, vendors, social events, and crappy hotel food. Of course, most conventions don’t include dungeons.
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