Kink in the Time of the Coronavirus

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Bird flying out of birdcage as if freed for the first time.

As the coronavirus (COVID-19) continues to wreak havoc across the globe, many of us are living under restricted and isolated circumstances that are challenging, to say the least. Suddenly, all the activities we took for granted in our “old” lives—hanging out with friends, going out to eat, stress-free sex—seem like ancient history as we struggle to find a new sense of equilibrium. But in the midst of all this chaos and uncertainty due to the coronavirus, kink and BDSM can provide a crucial way to regain a sense of control.

Vagabond and I live in New York City, the epicenter of the virus in the United States. The news has grown increasingly grim over the past several weeks, and despite stay-at-home orders and other restrictions, the worst is yet to come. Constant anxiety and fear about the future are the new normal, which has made our time together as a couple feel all the more precious. 

And yet, during the first week of being more or less confined to our apartment, it was hard to think beyond making the transition to working from home and distance learning at least partially successful. We were so focused on work, kids, and family that it sometimes felt like we were spending less time together than we had before we were both working from home. The days and nights became a blur of resolving one small crisis after the next as we figured out how to navigate the uncharted territory so many of us were thrust into virtually overnight. It felt like there was no room for sex, let alone D/s or even keeping up with Bound Together blog posts.

But by week two, we developed the semblance of a routine. We determined who was working in what part of the apartment when, resolved some tech issues, and figured out a grocery shopping regimen. Sex seemed not only possible, but necessary, even if we only had time for what we call “emergency sex” and not a full-blown scene. 

By the end of the second week, the kids were back at their mom’s and Vagabond and I had some much-needed alone time. Once we were finally able to connect on a D/s level, the release was exquisite. He was able to exercise control over me and our scene in a way that is all but impossible in other areas of life right now. And I was desperate to give him that control and not have to worry or decide anything during that time. 

He had told me earlier in the week that when the opportunity presented itself, he was going to bind me so I couldn’t move and then do whatever he wanted to me. And that’s exactly what he did. He wrapped me tightly in a bedsheet and tied rope around my chest and arms, leaving my bottom half exposed. Paradoxically, being bound was the perfect antidote to feeling trapped and anxious. It gave me the freedom to focus on pleasure and our dynamic, both of which had receded into the background in the face of stressful living conditions.

Reconnecting on a D/s level reminded us of, well, each other. It gave us a temporary respite from worry and stress and time to love each other physically and emotionally. Of course, it sounds trite and obvious to say “remember to love each other,” but sometimes we need the reminder when life gets a little too real. It would be foolish to suggest that kink and BDSM are some sort of panacea for the troubles we’re all confronting due to the coronavirus. But now, perhaps more than ever, BDSM is the place we can go to escape. 

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