Aren’t consensual non-consent (CNC) scenes supposed to be carefully planned and negotiated? How can a CNC scene be done safely in the heat of the moment? The answer to the first question is yes! Especially if you have something elaborate in mind. But if you know your partner well, it’s entirely possible to add spontaneous CNC to your kinky repertoire without discussing every detail ahead of time.
What is A spontaneous CNC SCENE?
We’re using the phrase “spontaneous CNC scene” to refer to CNC that occurs organically in the course of a scene without detailed planning immediately beforehand. However, you and your partner should absolutely discuss your mutual interest in CNC and negotiate thoroughly at some point before you attempt to do it spontaneously.
Spontaneous CNC scenes are predicated on having a deep understanding of your partner’s limits and desires. You should also save new activities for a more formal scene. For example, if you’ve never done breath play, you shouldn’t try it for the first time during a spontaneous CNC scene.
Once you’ve negotiated CNC as something you and your partner are enthusiastically into, though, incorporating struggle into a spontaneous scene can be a great way to ease into CNC if you’re relatively new to it. Spontaneous CNC can also be just as fulfilling for experienced players who don’t want to plan a more involved scene. Abductions, take-downs, and the like can be quite fun, but they involve many more logistical considerations than spontaneous CNC and aren’t always practical to pull off. In contrast, spontaneous CNC scenes are just that—spontaneous.
How do you initiate spontaneous CNC?
Our suggested way to start a spontaneous CNC scene is for the bottom to begin resisting at the beginning of play. The bottom is in the more vulnerable position during CNC, so it’s particularly important for them to enthusiastically consent. Physically initiating a spontaneous scene is an easy and effective way to do this.
Relatedly, if the bottom starts the CNC scene, it ensures that they will resist, which is a key component of CNC. If the top were to initiate CNC spontaneously, and the bottom dutifully submitted to their top without any resistance, the scene would fall flat immediately.
Although the bottom can initiate by resisting, they should take cues from the top. Certain actions lend themselves more to fighting back than others. For instance, if the top aggressively bites the bottom and pins their arms down or immediately yanks off the bottom’s clothes, resisting would be a natural response. However, if the top sensually and slowly begins tying the bottom up, resisting and fighting would likely contradict the mood of the scene.
If starting the scene physically seems too risky, there are hands-off ways to get things going as well. For instance, the bottom could wear a specific piece of jewelry or clothing that signals CNC is on the table. The bottom or top can also plant the seed for CNC ahead of time via sexting or dirty talk that gets the message across. Saying something like “I want you to fuck me by force” or “I’m going to fuck you whether you like it or not” can be pretty effective.
If the bottom initiates either through dirty talk or by resisting physically and the top isn’t interested, they can simply steer the scene in a different direction by giving commands. And, of course, either person can safeword at any time.
An example of A spontaneous CNC SCENE
Here’s an example of how Vagabond and I began a spontaneous CNC scene recently.
We flirted a bit during the day ahead of time via text:
Vagabond: I’m going to be very rough with you tonight.
Mimsy: What if I don’t let you?
Vagabond: I’ll enjoy you even more.
Our scene started on the bed with our clothes on.
Because of the nature of our flirting, I’m thinking that a rough scene will make us both happy. I dispense with the foreplay and hold Mimsy’s arms down and bite her shoulder. She struggles hard against my hands, but isn’t trying to hurt me or flee. Message received. I grab her neck and slap her face; she punches my chest, all of which we have negotiated in the past and have practiced before.
Vagabond bites my shoulder hard and pins my arms above my head. I resist and wriggle away enough to show that I want to struggle but not enough to mimic fighting for my life. The wonderful kink instructor Shay Tiziano calls this “fighting like a porn star,” meaning you fight back but not in a way that’s going to destroy the scene or cause any serious injuries.
When Vagabond slaps me a few times, I consider spitting in his face, but we’ve never negotiated that, so I decide not to risk it. I punch and hit his chest instead, which I know will rile him up in a way we both like. Eventually, he holds me down and fucks me, which, of course, is what I want.
Afterwards, I ask him about spitting on him in the future, and he says, “Oh, that would really make me mad. In a good way.” So now we have something fun to try in our next CNC scene.