Consensual Non-consent (CNC): What It Is, How to Negotiate It, and How to Do It Safely

Originally posted on September 25, 2018; updated on June 23, 2026

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When Mimsy first started getting in touch with her kinky side and learning about BDSM, she became obsessed with consensual non-consent (CNC). Also known as rape or ravishment play, CNC is a type of BDSM role-play in which the participants agree in advance to simulate a non-consensual act. This could resemble playful reluctance, full-blown abduction and “forced” sex, or myriad scenarios in between. Despite what it may look like, CNC is not assault. In fact, it’s one of the most carefully prepared types of play in BDSM. In this post, we’ll explain exactly what to consider as you plan a CNC scene.

• Why Are People Into CNC?
• How to Bring Up CNC with Your Partner
• Types of CNC Scenes
• How to Plan a CNC Scene
• CNC BDSM Scene Checklist
  • Overarching Goals
  • Limits
  • Logistics
• A Sample BDSM CNC Scene
  • Planning Our Scene
  • The Scene

Why Are People Into CNC?

Mimsy was drawn to CNC because she felt it would be the ultimate way to lose control—a core desire of hers since she spends the rest of her life very much in control. She thought about CNC daily, researched it constantly, and felt like it was something she needed to do. 

And she’s hardly alone. CNC fantasies are incredibly common in BDSM among the recipient, the submissive (sub) role, and the aggressor, dominant (dom) role. According to some studies, more than half of women have fantasized about being forced to have sex, and the same goes for men. A smaller, but still significant, percentage of men and women have fantasized about forcing sex on a partner. 

Often, these fantasies are rooted in a desire to either give up or take control. But those aren’t the only motivating factors. A few others are:

• Ravishment: Wanting to be so desirable or wanting to express desire so strongly that the dom can’t help themselves.
• Trust: CNC requires a huge amount of trust and vulnerability, which can feel simultaneously risky and extremely intimate—but is also very hot! 
• Trauma: For some (not all) survivors of sexual assault, CNC can be an empowering way to process what they experienced within a highly negotiated and consensual context.

How to Bring Up CNC with Your Partner

Despite the fact that CNC is a fairly common fantasy, it can still feel taboo, especially if you’re newer to BDSM. And regardless of experience level, CNC isn’t everyone’s cup of tea. Mimsy found this out the hard way when she brought up the idea to a casual partner before meeting Vagabond. This man initially claimed to be on board, but later said only a sociopath would be into CNC. After that experience, Mimsy was hesitant to bring it up with Vagabond.

But after we had been together for a couple of months, and it was obvious we were on the same page kinkwise, Mimsy did ask Vagabond if he’d ever considered it. He hadn’t thought about it as intensely as she had, but once Mimsy made it clear CNC was something she wanted to pursue, he was all in. 

The key is having a solid foundation of trust as well as kink compatibility. Although people do CNC scenes with strangers, we don’t recommend it. Bring it up with a partner you know and trust. If they’re intrigued but not sure, it might help to frame it in terms of ravishment. If they’re totally uninterested, do not push the issue. CNC only works if both people are fully bought in.

Types of CNC Scenes

Although all CNC scenes involve some kind of “force,” the level of creativity and intensity can vary. Here are a few common CNC scene types, ordered from least to most intense.

• Mild reluctance: This might involve light verbal or physical pushback from the sub before acquiescing to the dom’s demands. 
• Somnophilia play: In this scenario, the sub pretends to be asleep or unconscious. The sub may or may not pretend to wake up during the scene and fight back. Note the word pretend. Do not do this when the sub is actually asleep or unconscious—it’s too risky! 
• Coercion/blackmail: In this type of CNC, the dom “forces” the sub to comply by threatening them or pretending to blackmail them. Physical force can vary and may even be nonexistent.
• Rape play: This could mimic a date rape situation or stranger/intruder scenario, but it typically involves quite a bit of physical and verbal fighting. For a detailed look at this type of scene, skip down to the Sample CNC Scene later in this post. 
• Abduction/captivity: This is the most intense form of CNC and can involve a full-blown kidnapping type scenario. This kind of scene requires quite a bit of advance planning. 

How to Plan a CNC Scene

Make no mistake—CNC is edge play and can involve considerable physical and mental risks. This is why communication is key when planning a CNC scene, and the more the better. It may not sound sexy to discuss every little detail in advance, but doing so will help you mitigate risk and enjoy the scene in the moment that much more. Think of it as akin to choreographing a dance. If you practice a few steps at a time and slowly add to them, the end result will be a seamless performance that incorporates improvisation and creativity rather than a clumsy attempt that results in you stepping on your partner’s toes. The checklist below will help you plan the details of your own CNC scene.

CNC BDSM SCENE CHECKLIST

OVERARCHING GOALS

• Goal feelings. Why are you interested in CNC? What feeling do you want to achieve by enacting a scene like this? Communicate these feelings to your partner to set the tone of the scene.
  • If you’re the submissive, do you hope to feel ravished? Brutalized? Humiliated? Controlled? Something else?
  • If you’re the dominant, do you hope to feel even more in control? Savage? Sadistic? Something else?
• Orgasms. Are orgasms expected or desired for one or both people? If so, how will they be incorporated?
• Roles. Do you want to pretend to be other people in the scene (i.e., burglar and unsuspecting resident) or will you be yourselves?

LIMITS

• Safewords. What safewords will you use? Make sure you decide on one that means “stop the scene” (i.e., “red”) and one that means “slow down/change what’s happening” (i.e., “yellow”). Come up with a gesture or other nonverbal safeword as well in case the sub can’t speak in the moment. Practice using the safewords beforehand.
  • A warning about unconsciousness. A lot of people online ask if there’s a safe way to do CNC while the sub is unconscious. The answer is no! Don’t do this. Although this is a popular fantasy, it’s not safe to enact for a number of reasons. For one thing, an unconscious sub cannot safeword, which is hugely problematic. Also, there is no medically safe way to induce unconsciousness. And finally, if you’re unconscious, you’re not going to remember CNC, so what’s the point?   
• Triggers. What are your positive and negative triggers? Positive triggers are words, actions, etc. that will rev you up in the scene in a good way. For instance, if being spit on during CNC makes you fight back more intensely, tell your partner that. Negative triggers can cause you to recall past trauma or evoke undesirable feelings. Absolutely disclose any known negative triggers when you negotiate. But also prepare for the unexpected. How do you react when negatively triggered? Do you cry? Have a panic attack? Explain to your partner what your reaction might look like. Then talk about what you want to do in the moment if you’re negatively triggered. Of course, you can use your safeword, but it’s still good to discuss the possibilities beforehand. Keep your negative triggers in mind as you discuss language, rough body play, and more (see below). 
• Play intensity. How will the intensity of play in the scene differ from your regular play? For example, if you’re normally a very obedient sub, will you fight back?
• Language. How will the language you use in the scene differ from what you say during your usual scenes, if at all? Will you up the intensity of dirty talk? What type of language is unacceptable? For example, if you’re not into being called a “cunt” during regular play, will that word still be off limits in the CNC scene, or will it be allowed to increase the intensity? Will words like “no” or “stop” be used and ignored?
• Rough body play. What elements of rough body play will be used? This is probably one of the most important things to discuss because serious injury can result if you don’t. Leave no stone unturned in this discussion. Consider:
  • Biting
  • Choking
  • Hair pulling
  • Hitting
  • Kicking
  • Pinching
  • Punching
  • Scratching
  • Slapping
  • Anything else you can think of
• Physical limitations. What body parts are off limits for rough body play? For example, if you don’t want to be kneed in the balls or slapped in the face, clearly set those limits. Are there physical injuries or limitations that need to be taken into consideration? For example, does one of you have an old shoulder or knee injury that could flare up if you move a certain way or apply too much pressure?
• Consider marking areas of the body that are off limits with erasable marker so you don’t need to remember very specific spots during the scene.
• Practicing. Will you be incorporating any new rough body play elements that you’ve never tried before? If so, practice them first. For example, if you as a sub have never hit your dom before but you know you will in your CNC scene, set aside time to practice this beforehand (not during a scene) so that you can feel confident in your technique during the scene.
• Implements. Which implements, if any, will you use in the scene (i.e., rope, paddle, flogger, belt, knife, etc.)? Will they be used any differently than in regular play? If so, how?
• Marks. Are marks or bruises acceptable? If so, are any areas off limits? For example, if you have to go to work the next day, you might not want marks where coworkers can see them.

LOGISTICS

• Setting. When and where will the scene take place?
  • If it’s inside, what rooms will you be in? Will you stay in one room the whole time or move from room to room?
  • What obstacles or objects should be moved out of the way beforehand to avoid damage to yourselves or the objects (i.e., extension cords, precarious breakables, awkwardly positioned furniture, dumbbells on the floor, etc.)?
• Witnesses. Is there a chance you might be seen or heard by other people? If so, what can you do to make this less likely?
  • Inside. If your scene is inside, consider:
    • Prohibiting screaming or yelling or only doing so in rooms where neighbors or others are least likely to hear
    • Lowering blinds or shades so that neighbors don’t see anything that might prompt them to call the police
    • Limiting use of walls to those that are not shared with neighbors
    • Donning costumes (i.e., ski mask, Halloween mask, etc.) where you won’t be seen
  • Outside. If your scene is partially or completely outside, there are a whole host of additional things to consider involving legality. Do your research. Karley Sciortino has a great anecdote in her book Slutever about getting questioned by the cops in the middle of a consensual abduction scene.
• Beginning. How will your scene begin? Will it involve an element of surprise or will both people know exactly when it starts? This may be dictated by whether you’re pretending to be someone else. For example, if one of you is masquerading as an intruder, it’s likely there will be some element of surprise. If this is the case, discuss the parameters. For instance, if you have no clue that your partner may grab you from behind and hold a knife to your throat, you could be startled to the point of causing an unintended injury.
• Size differences. Is the dom much shorter or smaller than the sub? Vice versa? If there’s a large size difference, you’ll need to plan for this because physical struggle may either be ineffective (in the first scenario) or harmful (in the second). If the dom is much smaller, then you may want to plan a more threat-based scene as opposed to one that’s predicated on physically overpowering the sub. For example, the dom could pull a knife (real or fake) on the sub and get them to obey from fear. Once the dom maneuvers the sub into the desired location, they could handcuff the sub to something to immobilize them. Another possibility would be to start the scene mimicking a consensual sexual encounter that turns into CNC. This way, the sub will already be “in position,” so to speak, and the dom will have an easier time incapacitating them with handcuffs, rope, and so on. If the dom is much larger and stronger than the sub, then you’ll need to consider this when you negotiate any rough body play.
• Clothing. What type of clothing will each of you wear? Consider:
  • What costume elements, if any, you’ll need (masks, etc.)
  • How easy or difficult the clothing is to remove (lots of buttons or fiddly hooks might be problematic) 
  • Whether damage to the clothing is acceptable (probably not a great idea to wear your favorite dress if it’s going to get ripped)
  • Where you’ll be before the scene starts and how that affects your clothing choices (if the scene starts right as you arrive home from work, for example, you’ll need to plan your outfit carefully)
• Practical paraphernalia. Are there unsexy yet necessary things that will need to be included in the scene, such as condoms, lube, or a towel? If so, make sure these items are accessible and ready to go. The last thing you want is to be fumbling around with a condom wrapper or an unexpectedly empty bottle of lube in the heat of the moment. Also consider creative ways of incorporating such things that won’t totally disrupt the flow of the scene. For example, the dom could command the sub to apply lube to themselves to make sure they’re wet and ready. Or the dom could incapacitate the sub and apply it for them. The act of putting on a condom can be billed as not wanting to catch a disease from “a dirty whore.” You get the idea.
• Placement of implements. If you’re using implements in your scene, where will they be? Consider:
  • When you’ll need them in the scene and where you’ll be at that point 
  • Whether you want them in plain sight to increase tension or whether you want them somewhat hidden to maintain an element of surprise
  • Where to place them to avoid fumbling or digging around, especially if you’ll be in the dark or dim light
• Foreplay. Is more traditional foreplay expected or desired? For some people, especially women, struggling and fighting might need to be accompanied by some form of vaginal or clitoral stimulation. One woman we read about needed to be stimulated with a dildo during CNC before her partner could penetrate her with his penis because he was too big to enter without a warm-up. As with practical paraphernalia, think of ways to include foreplay without upending the dynamic of the scene. For example, in the scenario I just mentioned, the dom could command the sub to use the dildo on herself to get ready for his giant cock while he touches himself. 
• Ending. How will the scene end so that it’s clear to both of you it’s over?
• Aftercare. What is your aftercare plan? Keep in mind that CNC scenes can be extremely intense for the sub and the dom. Make sure you discuss possible aftercare needs for both of you, including what to do if one of you is negatively triggered during the scene. Common aftercare routines might include snacks, cuddling, or debriefing, but it varies from person to person.

Keep in mind that you don’t need to incorporate everything in the kitchen sink into one scene. If this is your first time doing CNC, start slow and only include a few elements. Over time, you can add more or try spontaneous CNC. You should learn basic steps before you try to ballroom dance. 

A SAMPLE CNC SCENE

Here’s how we planned and executed one of our CNC scenes.

PLANNING OUR SCENE

Goals. Before this scene, we discussed the details over the course of several days leading up to it. Because we’ve done CNC a fair amount, our overarching goals had already been established—basically to intensify the power exchange. Mimsy’s goal for this particular scene was to fight back more than she had in the past, and one of Vagabond’s goals was to incorporate rope. We also knew that we would be ourselves during the scene and wouldn’t be playing characters, so to speak. 

Limits. With safewords set (we use the traffic light system—red, yellow), we moved on to figuring out the language and types of rough body play we wanted to incorporate. Mimsy was comfortable with any derogatory language Vagabond wanted to use during the scene as long as it didn’t make her feel subhuman, which is a hard limit for her (i.e., “you’re a piece of shit”). She also let him know that she would be saying things like “no,” “stop,” etc. and that those directions should be ignored during the scene.     

Mimsy is normally a very obedient sub, but she does like to fight back in CNC scenes. She wanted to intensify that aspect of this scene by hitting Vagabond harder and with more intention—as opposed to just flailing around—to both increase the level of struggle and fulfill some of his masochistic desires, so we decided it would be best to practice beforehand. This involved Vagabond giving Mimsy a lesson on how to hit him hard in the chest and her practicing on him repeatedly over the course of an evening.

Biting, scratching, slapping, punching, hitting, choking, and hair pulling would all be up for grabs during the scene. Kicking was out as was anything involving injury to his balls or her breasts, which were extremely tender at the time due to hormonal changes. We were OK with marks or bruises as long as they wouldn’t require an explanation to other people.

Finally there was the matter of implements. Vagabond told Mimsy he wanted to use rope to restrain her during the scene as well as a knife to threaten her. We have a lot of experience using both of these, but we hadn’t used them in a CNC scene before.

Logistics. Initially, we thought about doing the scene on a weekday right as Mimsy got home from work, but ultimately we rejected this plan for a number of mundane reasons:

• She rides the subway home, which means she has to touch germ-ridden poles, which in turn means she needs to wash her hands as soon as she gets home.
• She generally wears dresses to work, none of which she wants ripped or cut.
• Mimsy is usually starving when she gets home and finds it difficult to focus on other things until she’s eaten.
• Depending on what happened at work that day, either or both of us might need to decompress for a few minutes at the end of the day.

While boring, these are the kinds of logistical concerns you need to consider. After thinking it through, we decided it wasn’t practical for Vagabond to attack Mimsy right as she walked in the door. Instead, we decided to do the scene on a kid-free weekend when we knew we wouldn’t be stressed out from work or distracted by logistical nuisances. 

Although we knew the scene would be happening in our apartment, we needed to determine exactly where. In the past, we had been somewhat limited by space, but we live in a bigger apartment now, so Mimsy was interested in starting the scene in the living room and moving to our bedroom. We have a strip of unobstructed space that divides the dining area from the rest of the living room, so we decided that this was where the scene would begin. 

Given the proximity of our living room to our neighbors’ front doors, we also knew we needed to be fairly quiet at the beginning, particularly since one of those neighbors goes in and out of her apartment frequently to walk her dog. We agreed that we would keep the living room portion of the scene relatively short and that it would be limited to quiet grappling or other rough body play that wouldn’t involve loud noises. Vocalizations would be kept to a minimum.

Once we knew the landscape of the scene, we had to decide how to start it. Mimsy felt that she needed an opportunity to mentally switch gears beforehand as well as a clear indication that it was time to begin, so she proposed taking our recycling down to the basement of our building at an agreed-upon time. Her return to the apartment would be the starting shot.

Since Mimsy knew it was likely her clothing would be ruined in some way during the scene, she opted to wear leggings and a t-shirt that she didn’t care about but were easy to get off and suitable to be seen in outside the apartment. Vagabond chose to wear jeans and a t-shirt because he felt it would lend credibility to the idea that he was so filled with lust for Mimsy that nothing could stop him from ravishing her, including pants that are difficult to get off when someone is fighting you.

Planning the exact moment when the rope and knife would make an appearance in the scene wasn’t really possible, but Vagabond decided to keep them within easy reach in the bedroom so that he could access them quickly once we moved there from the living room.

Because our CNC scenes typically involve a lot of struggle, which essentially functions as foreplay, actual intercourse doesn’t tend to last long since we’re both pretty excited and exhausted by that time. Mimsy does need lube, though, because she has vulvodynia, a chronic pain condition that can flare up during sex if there’s too much friction. 

Orgasms are inconsequential to Mimsy in CNC because she finds the scenes to be so fulfilling in every other way, so we didn’t plan to incorporate one for her in this scene. This meant that the scene would conclude once Vagabond came. Neither of us normally requires much in the way of aftercare, so we didn’t plan anything beyond snuggling and debriefing a little afterward.

THE SCENE

On a quiet Sunday evening, Mimsy changed into gray leggings and a t-shirt and told Vagabond she was taking the recycling downstairs. When she came back into the dimly lit apartment, her heart was beating fast in anticipation. She was standing next to her desk in the living room when Vagabond approached and took hold of her arm. She immediately began twisting away while being careful to remain quiet. 

He wrestled her to the floor, where she continued to resist by hitting him on the arms and chest. He pulled her hair and tried to pin her down. Eventually, he grabbed her arms and dragged her across the hardwood floor to the hallway, then forced her up and half carried her to the bedroom where he threw her on the bed.

The scene intensified once we were in the bedroom, where we felt less inhibited. Vagabond grabbed a piece of rope and began trying to tie Mimsy down, but she fought back and squirmed away any time he attempted to pin her. She hit his chest, arms, and anywhere else she thought she could land a decent blow. She said “no!” repeatedly and asked why he was doing this to her. 

He showed no mercy as he continued to subdue her and wear her down. At one point, he handcuffed one of her wrists to one of his to limit her movement, but he realized he couldn’t be as rough as he wanted to that way, so he removed them after a couple of minutes. 

He yanked her t-shirt down over one shoulder and wrestled a piece of rope around her torso, pinning her arms. He roughly pulled her leggings down to her ankles so that they would restrict her leg movement. Once she was bound, he pulled out the knife and held it to her throat while calling her a whore who was getting what she deserved. She knew not to resist at that point because a slip of the knife could be deadly, so she lay there whimpering while Vagabond slowly ran it over her skin. He set it on the bedside table after a few minutes and pulled off his jeans. 

Mimsy was panting and exhausted as Vagabond used the knife to cut her underwear off and squirted lube on her pussy. He tried to enter her, but she managed to wriggle her hips away to make it harder. She wasn’t able to keep him at bay for long, though. As Vagabond thrust into her, she felt the vestiges of her control slip away and was completely present in the moment. There wasn’t much she could do to fight back at that point, but she did manage to bite him hard enough on one arm to leave a bruise.

He flipped her over onto her stomach and continued grinding into her as he pulled her hair and called her a cunt and a whore. When he came inside her a few minutes later, it was cathartic and electrifying at the same time. Mimsy immediately started crying—not unusual for her during or right after an intense scene. Vagabond untied her and hugged and kissed her. We snuggled for a bit and then cleaned up.

In the hours and days that followed, we discussed what we liked about the scene and what we wanted to improve upon. We both thought the scene was incredibly hot, but we realized afterward that we had forgotten to lower the shade in our living room when the scene began. Our apartment looks out onto other buildings, so if someone had seen us and decided to call the cops, we could have had a Rear Window situation on our hands. Not ideal. 

Vagabond also said that he would’ve placed more lube in more locations so that it could’ve been more accessible at different points during the scene. We both agreed that we wanted to figure out a way to incorporate an orgasm on Mimsy’s end next time—maybe forced orgasms or something along those lines. 

CNC is one of the most intense and rewarding experiences BDSM has to offer, but only when it’s built on a foundation of trust and communication. Whether you’re just starting to explore the fantasy or you’re ready to make it a reality, take your time, talk to your partner, and remember that the negotiation is part of the fun.