Bound Together

“Start by pulling magic out of your fingers…”

—“The Invisible Toybox: Incorporating Energy Work into BDSM,” Raven Kaldera 

If you’ve been exploring BDSM for any length of time, you’ve undoubtedly stumbled across references to BDSM energy play, sex magic, and the like. A quick online search conjures up workshops on “exploring energy play in kink,” guides on using sex magic to “manifest positive life energy,” and D/s classes on “conscious energy flow, power exchange, and feeding.”  But what does any of this mean? In this post, we’ll translate these mystical concepts into plain facts.

About 10 years ago, I became single after a very long relationship and decided it was time to explore my kinky interests in the New York City BDSM scene. As a very introverted 30-something single man, I knew it wouldn’t be easy for me. I was aware that more straight men than women often attend BDSM events, and I had very little experience with BDSM. I wasn’t even sure exactly what I was interested in. I was curious about domination but also enjoyed certain types of “masochism.” Where to begin? 

For my first solo mission, I decided to go to a “munch,” an informal plainclothes hangout of kinky people. I came up with a strategy that led me to a series of kinky successes and might work for you, too.