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One couple’s insights into BDSM

Beyond Consent: BDSM Activities That Are Too Dangerous

By Mimsy and Vagabond
In Basics
May 28, 2026
9 Min Read
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Woman with rope around her neck

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Many of the things BDSM players enjoy, like impact, CNC, and rope bondage, involve more risk than vanilla sex. In some cases, that’s even part of the appeal. It’s also why the BDSM community spends so much time emphasizing consent and safety. The thinking goes that as long as the people involved are consenting risk-aware adults, they can do what they want—a philosophy reflected in frameworks like SSC and RACK. We disagree and think it’s time to talk plainly about BDSM activities that are simply too dangerous to do. As cases ripped from the headlines show, consent alone isn’t enough. In this post, we’ll discuss a few kinks that should always be off limits, others that require education to do properly, and red flags everyone should watch out for.

Why Consent Isn’t Enough to Make BDSM Safe

As we’ve noted before, consent cannot and should not give people the green light to engage in extreme BDSM acts that hinder one’s ability to participate in life. The news story linked above is a perfect example of why. A California man paid a woman to wrap him in Saran wrap and glue women’s shoes to his feet. Even though he seemed intoxicated, the woman proceeded with what she later said was her first-ever BDSM scene. She filmed the encounter, which showed that the man’s head was covered, and he had duct tape over his mouth and hands. While he was struggling to breathe, the woman was performing a “sex act nearby” for OnlyFans. Even though she did CPR on him, the man ended up dying in the hospital. 

Even if this man fully consented to being suffocated and was the one pushing for this type of extreme play, the woman should not have proceeded because the risks were too great. This goes for any activity that poses a risk of death, permanent disability, or life-altering injury. 

BDSM Activities That Are Too Dangerous to Do

Here are a few activities that are too dangerous to engage in—full stop.

  • Extreme breath play: Many BDSM educators consider any breath play (aka choking) to be off limits due to the risks involved. We’re caveating it with the word extreme because there are safer ways to engage in breath play (note that we said safer not safe), and there are batshit crazy ways. Cutting off someone’s breathing (like with Saran wrap and a bag) and preventing them from using a safeword or safe signal falls into the latter category. Strangling someone until they lose consciousness? Ditto. Do not do this. It’s simply too dangerous. For more information on the risks associated with breath play and how to reduce those risks, check out our Guide to Breath Play and Choking.
  • Playing with consciousness: Just as you shouldn’t choke someone until they’re unconscious, you shouldn’t play with unconsciousness in other ways either. This frequently comes up with people who want to be unconscious during CNC and seek advice on combinations of drugs they can take to be knocked out during the act. While it can be sexy to imagine totally giving up control, to do so like this is extremely dangerous and impractical. Even if the person consents to being unconscious beforehand, once they’re passed out, they have no way to revoke consent, which should give any dom serious pause for both legal and ethical reasons. Creative players can use mindfucks and intense dirty talk, which are the true keys to creating an ultimate power fantasy without taking an unnecessary risk that the sub won’t remember.
  • Being a literal sex slave: Another frequent fantasy in the BDSM community is being a 24/7 slave. We don’t mean an M/s dynamic where the labels are symbolic and negotiated. We’re talking about people who consent to being held captive. In the book Screw Consent, author Joseph Fischel describes a real-life no-limits 24/7 slave situation that went horribly wrong when the slave changed his mind and the master ignored him, as the slave had previously instructed him to do. The master ended up going to prison. Everyone has limits, as it turns out, and there must be a mechanism to express them.
  • Career-ending kink: This is a catch-all category for any activities that are so physically or mentally damaging that they end your ability to participate in kink or in life generally. This includes cannibalism, limb amputation, permanent disfigurement, PTSD-inducing trauma, and, of course, death. You get the idea.

BDSM Activities That Require Serious Education 

We’ve all seen a face slap either on TV or in real life. How hard could it be to do in a BDSM scene? You’d be surprised! Some BDSM activities, like slapping, may not be on the “never” list, but they involve enough risk that you need to educate yourself before trying them—even if they look simple. 

  • Slapping/punching: Slapping someone correctly is harder than it looks, because a face just isn’t that big. You need to aim for the fleshy part of the cheek and avoid the nose, eyes, and ears. And you should never use full force. In fact, you should mostly use your fingers rather than your entire hand to avoid dislocating someone’s jaw. Punching is equally tricky because if you do it wrong, you can injure yourself and your partner. As with slapping, you need to aim for fleshy body parts, and you should use the flat part of your fist, not your knuckles. In general, rough body play may look similar to slapping or punching in a fight, but it’s more akin to stage fighting. In other words, you’re not giving it your all.
  • Rope bondage: Rope bondage doesn’t necessarily look simple, but a lot of people (including us, back in the day) don’t realize that it can cause serious injury if not done properly. The most likely risk with this kind of play is nerve damage, which can be caused by pressure on nerves or reduced blood flow. Sometimes there are warning signs, but not always. When Mimsy lost sensation in the tops of both thighs for a week due to straining against rope for too long, there were no advance signs. There are, however, steps you can take to mitigate the risk.
  • Knife play: This most commonly refers to using knives as a form of sensation play, not breaking the skin. (Blood play is a whole separate kink that requires additional education and safety measures.) The main risk with knife play is accidentally cutting someone, which could obviously have dire consequences depending on where and how deep the knife wound is. This type of play requires an enormous amount of trust on both sides: The dom must trust that the sub isn’t going to make sudden movements, and the sub must trust that the dom isn’t going to slip. This combination of trust and risk is what makes knife play hot, but you still need to be smart about it and know how to reduce the risks and when to use a real knife vs. a simulacrum that has the same effect. 
  • CNC: Consensual nonconsent can involve any or all of the above activities plus others (takedowns, kicking, wrestling, etc.). There’s also a significant mental component to CNC that could be triggering to sexual assault survivors—or to anyone, for that matter. This is why CNC should often involve very thorough negotiation and more aftercare than a typical scene might warrant. It’s possible to do CNC more spontaneously, but this requires having deep knowledge of your partner’s limits and desires beforehand.

BDSM Red Flags for Subs and Doms 

If someone you plan to do a scene with insists on any of the following, run the other way—or, at the very least, have a serious discussion with them about why their ideas are unsafe.

  • “No limits” and/or no safeword: This is a classic red flag that’s often associated with inexperienced and domineering doms, but subs can also purport to have no limits, which is just as much of a warning sign. When push comes to shove, everyone has limits, so if they say they don’t or insist that you shouldn’t have them, this is, at best, a sign of poor communication skills, and at worst, a sign of dangerous recklessness. There’s a little more wiggle room with safewords because not everyone plays with them, and that can work for some people. However, if someone insists that you not have one and won’t accept “no,” that’s a bad sign akin to insisting on no limits. 
  • Preventing communication: Communication should never be so restricted in a scene that someone (most often the sub) is unable to revoke consent. If someone is gagged or otherwise prevented from vocalizing, they need to be able to use another body part (hands, feet, etc.) to communicate. One of the reasons the California man died is because he couldn’t speak and was unable to use his hands to unwrap himself.   
  • Scenes/kinks that will result in permanent harm: If you can only do a scene once because it will cause such extreme physical or mental damage that it can’t be repeated, then you shouldn’t do it at all. See the examples we mentioned above under “Career-Ending Kink.” BDSM should not prevent you from participating in life.  
  • Serious confusion about the difference between fantasy and reality: This is a big one for us because a lot of newbies seem to struggle with it. Regardless of what your BDSM role is, it’s important to remember that’s exactly what it is—a role. If you identify as a BDSM “slave” or “master,” for instance, you’re not literally a slave or a master. You’re playing a part because it turns you on. If your BDSM role prevents you from doing normal life activities (working, seeing friends and family, etc.), then the fantasy has gone way too far.

Our firm stance on what crosses the line isn’t meant to be judgmental; it’s about safety and good sense. If you find yourself drawn toward the edgiest of edge play or being pushed toward it by someone else, stop and educate yourself about the risks. “Anything goes between consenting adults” is not a universal truth. Not every BDSM fantasy can or should become a reality.  

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Bound Together
One couple’s insights into BDSM