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Depending on what you read, the premise of the erotic drama Babygirl is either believable and feminist or unbelievable and deeply unfeminist. The kink in the movie is either realistic and titillating or unrealistic and passe. The movie was either clearly made by someone with kink experience or by vanilla know-nothings. There have been so many contradictory takes on this movie it’s hard to know what to think.
But the director, Halina Reijn, has given us a huge hint about this tale of a high-powered female CEO’s D/s affair with a young male intern. In an interview with Cosmopolitan, she said, “We’re witnessing two people who are not doing it totally right. They have no experience in the Dom/sub world. My movie is a fable, it’s not a documentary. It’s a cautionary tale.” It’s through this lens that we’ll discuss the good and the bad of Babygirl. (This post does include spoilers.)
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When it comes to giving kinky gifts, it can be hard to know where to start. How do you find quality gear? What if you’re on a budget? What gifts are good for newbies versus experienced BDSM players? We’ve got you covered! There’s something on our list for every kinkster.
Books
It’s no secret that a lot of kinksters enjoy reading about BDSM—how to do it, why people are into it, the history of it, you name it. Here are a few of our favorite books on the subject. Check out our Resources page for more ideas.
Please Scream Quietly: A Story of Kink: Sociologist and kinkster Julie Fennell digs into the norms and nuances of the public BDSM scene, including what kinds of people are attracted to the scene, the values that the scene teaches and promotes, and how the scene differs from the rest of society.
Sadomasochism and the BDSM Community in the United States: Stephen K. Stein chronicles the history of the American BDSM community, from its fractured beginnings in the 1940s, through its heyday in the 80s and 90s, and its subsequent diffusion in the 21st century.
The Toybag Guide to Playing with Taboo: This slim volume by Mollena Williams explores some kinks that are considered to be taboo even within the BDSM community (e.g., religion, race play, bodily fluids, etc.) and what to consider if you want to venture into this territory.
Gear
The amount of BDSM gear and toys on the market can be truly overwhelming, especially if you don’t know exactly what you’re looking for. Here are some of our favorites that appeal to different kinks and are relatively affordable. Check out our BDSM on the Cheap post for more ideas.
Bondage rope: Bondage rope comes in a wide variety of materials (hemp, jute, bamboo, MFP, etc.), thicknesses, and colors. The options can be a bit overwhelming, but we’ve broken some of them down in our Bondage Rope Roundup. One of the best sources for rope we’ve found is Twisted Monk. If you’re not sure what kind of rope to get, you can order a sample pack, which provides an opportunity to feel different types of rope before deciding what to buy more of.
Other restraints: Not everyone who’s into bondage likes rope. There are a variety of other types of restraints that make great gifts, such as cuffs or bondage tape. Our Guide to Bondage Without Rope covers all the details.
Collars and harnesses: Not only will you and yours look hot in a harness, but they also provide a shortcut to make handles or anchor points for other restraints. Try strapping in with Stockroom’s collars, harnesses, and more.
Bear claws: These are often sold as salad forks or meat claws and are an ingenious sensation play pervertible that can leave some wonderful scratches.
Blindfold: We love this silky blindfold sash because it also doubles as a restraint for bondage and is very portable. You can even wear it as an accessory if you want!
Experiences
If you’re looking for kinky gift ideas for someone who already has it all, an experience may be a good option. BDSM experiences run the gamut from play parties to classes to weekend-long conventions and getaways.
Play parties: Entry fees for play parties are often under 100 dollars for a couple and give you the opportunity to watch as many scenes as you want or participate in your own. The best place to find listings of BDSM parties in your area is FetLife. But you can also search mainstream event sites like Eventbrite.
BDSM conventions: If you have more money to spend, consider taking your SO to a BDSM convention where you can attend classes and play parties and be around other kinksters for an entire weekend or longer. There are multiple conventions that occur annually across the U.S. and around the world, such as the Dark Odyssey events.
BDSM classes: One of the best ways to learn about BDSM is by taking classes, either in person or online. Online classes are often quite affordable and fun to take with a partner. Check out Forbidden Tickets for loads of classes taught by a variety of instructors. Some instructors also offer private lessons, which are more expensive. Alternatively, you can give the gift of on-demand video classes via Kink Academy. For $20 a month, you get unlimited access to their extensive library of video tutorials.
Custom photo shoot: Book a boudoir or fetish photographer for a private solo or couples session. This can be a super hot way to memorialize your kinkiness.
Kinky weekend getaway: For the ultimate BDSM experience, book a kinky getaway at a dungeon or vacation rental that has BDSM equipment in it (some Airbnb properties offer this, for example).
Joanna Arnow and Scott Cohen in The Feeling That the Time for Doing Something Has Passed, a Magnolia Pictures release. Photo courtesy of Magnolia Pictures.
The Feeling That the Time for Doing Something Has Passed(2024) is billed as a “hilarious comedy” that follows a NYC woman’s kinky—and vanilla—dating misadventures as she simultaneously navigates her boring corporate job and overbearing parents.
The director and star, Joanna Arnow, clearly understands that BDSM can be just as mundane and funny as any other facet of a person’s life. But by the end, the overall message seems to be considerably gloomier, namely that a long-term serious relationship and BDSM are fundamentally incompatible.
CineKink, the annual kinky film festival based in New York City, was held in person this year for the first time since before the pandemic, but we were out of town when it happened. Fortunately, they aired all the films virtually earlier this month. Here’s our review roundup of the kinky shorts from the festival in alphabetical order. We also watched a full-length BDSM feature, which we review in brief at the end.
Krush the Wrestler, a documentary, was the best short of the bunch. Good Girl was also quite enjoyable and well made. Read on to see what we thought of the rest.
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Sanctuary (2022), a taut psychological BDSM drama directed by Zachary Wigon, tells the story of Hal (Christopher Abbott), a wealthy hotel scion who attempts to call off his long-standing arrangement with his pro dom Rebecca (Margaret Qualley). But Rebecca isn’t willing to give him up without a fight, and emotional and physical chaos ensue.
As the latest entry into the BDSM film catalog, there’s a lot to appreciate about Sanctuary. It’s clear the filmmakers did their research and portrayed some authentic aspects of a kinky dynamic, even though it’s pushed over the top for the sake of the drama. Perhaps predictably, this is not the film to watch if you want pointers on how to conduct a healthy BDSM dynamic, but it does a number of things quite well if you view it through the lens of fantasy.
As an Amazon Associate, we earn from qualifying purchases made via one of the links below (at no additional cost to you).Note: this post contains spoilers.
While much has already been written about Netflix’s four-part erotic thriller Obsession, the focus has been on the thin plot, overwrought music, and cringeworthy moments. But what about the BDSM and kink in Obsession that numerous click-baity headlines have mentioned? Just how kinky is this series? And is its portrayal of BDSM and kinky people authentic?
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February is fast approaching, so without further ado, here’s our curated list of kinky Valentine’s Day gifts for the BDSM lovers in your life!
Yasmin and Robert in Industry. Photograph by Amanda Searle/HBO.
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Some of the best depictions of BDSM—specifically D/s—on TV appear in shows that aren’t about BDSM at all. And sometimes the D/s is so subtle to those who aren’t in the know that it escapes reviewers’ attention. But that’s part of what makes it so fun to spot if you are kinky! It’s like you and the writers are in on a little secret. In this post, we’ll explore some of the best examples of BDSM and D/s on TV that are hiding in plain sight.
Originally posted on August 5, 2018; updated on October 10, 2022. As an Amazon Associate, we earn from qualifying purchases made via some of the links below (at no additional cost to you).
In recent years, there have been a slew of lists in mainstream media (usually timed with the release of yet another 50 Shades movie) identifying “the best BDSM movies” or movies that “do BDSM better than 50 Shades” (a pretty low bar, if you ask us). But do these roundups really represent the best kinky movies?
CineKink, the annual kinky film festival based in New York City, aired virtually earlier this month, showcasing an array of kinky, sexy films. Here are our favorite shorts from the festival in alphabetical order. A few of them are even available to watch for free online.
