Basics

It’s easy to get a lot of things wrong about BDSM if you learn about it from pop culture, fashion magazines, and most of the top sites on the Internet. When Mimsy was new to BDSM, her education at Google University led her to wonder if there was a place for her in the community as a bedroom-only D/s enthusiast because it seemed like the scene was meant only for 24/7 lifestylers. When Vagabond was starting out, he thought BDSM was all about S/M, impact, and role playing and didn’t discover D/s until later. Over time, we separated the BDSM myths and misconceptions from the reality, and now we hope others can learn from our mistakes.

Dear Readers,

We interrupt our semi-regularly scheduled posting to bring you this special announcement: We got engaged! Vagabond popped the question in front of the speakeasy in Greenwich Village where we met for our first date three years ago, and Mimsy was overjoyed. On the walk home, the conversation turned kinky.

As an Amazon Associate, we earn from qualifying purchases made via some of the links below (at no additional cost to you). We may also make money off some of the other links below.

How can you keep things kinky when you travel if it’s not feasible or practical to take all your BDSM gear along with you? Here’s how to avoid a vanilla vacation even when you’re traveling light.

As the year comes to a close, it’s once again time to think about New Year’s resolutions. Rather than simply vowing to eat better and exercise more, why not add kinky resolutions to the list? Here are five ideas that are both valuable and achievable.

“Sex isn’t something you do; it’s a place you go.” —Esther Perel, Couples Therapist and Author

In my past long-term vanilla relationships, the sex and desire always faded, and in some cases dwindled to almost nothing, usually around the same time the guy and I moved in together. There were myriad reasons for this: physical ailments, depression, lack of communication, mismatched libidos, lack of true chemistry. But the heart of the matter was, well, the heart. The familiarity and affectionate routines that inevitably developed over time, and were enhanced by living together, encroached on eroticism and eventually smothered it. Metaphorically, sex wasn’t a place we went because there was nowhere to go. The people we were during sex were the same people we were in the rest of life. Sex wasn’t a departure from ourselves; it was merely a continuation. (more…)

On the eve of Supreme Court Justice nominee Brett Kavanaugh’s hearing in which Christine Blasey Ford would deliver wrenching testimony about how Kavanaugh sexually assaulted her in high school, my partner, Vagabond, tied me up, hit me, slapped me in the face, called me a slut and a whore, and fucked my brains out. I loved every second of it and all of our BDSM scenes. How? Consent. (more…)