Bound Together
One couple’s insights into BDSM

Submission

How to Be a Submissive in BDSM: A Beginner’s Guide

By Mimsy and Vagabond
In Basics, How-To Guides, Submission
October 30, 2025
16 Min Read
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Woman in lacy bra with her wrists in cuffs

If you get turned on by being told what to do in bed, obeying your partner’s commands, or being erotically humiliated, it’s possible you’re a submissive. This is the flip side of the D/s coin, or the “right side of the slash.” Whereas dominants guide the scenes and set the rules, submissives follow their lead. But, like follows in dance, submissives are responsible for maintaining their own frame and balance, making the entire D/s scene and dynamic possible.    

Welcome to Part 2 of our complete guide to D/s, where we’ll be exploring all the ins and outs of being a BDSM submissive. (In Part 1, we did a deep dive into dominance.). In this post, we cover:

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The Ethics of Domination and Submission in BDSM

By Mimsy and Vagabond
In Dominance, Submission
January 30, 2025
5 Min Read
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Allegations of sexual abuse and assault against the famous author Neil Gaiman first came to light in 2024 via the podcast Master, which presented the accounts of four women who had been sexually involved with Gaiman. An article in Vulture in early 2025 brought renewed attention to those allegations and included the stories of additional women. 

Collectively, these accounts revealed a pattern: Gaiman seems to have sadistic dominant tendencies and picked vulnerable, mostly much younger, women to enact them with. In many of the cases, the women allege that they hated his treatment of them but felt compelled or coerced to consent. Gaiman’s position is that all of these relationships were entirely consensual. This raises important questions about the ethics of domination and submission in a BDSM dynamic.

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A Guide to BDSM Brats and Brat Taming

By Mimsy and Vagabond
In Dominance, How-To Guides, Submission
October 31, 2024
8 Min Read
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Scene from The Breakfast Club of a group of teens sitting in a row sullenly.
A pack of brats.

“This rule is ridiculous,” the brat said, rolling their eyes. “And I’d break it again.”

The dom didn’t disagree. “You told me you want me to hold you accountable, and that’s what I intend to do.”

“Make me!”

With the end of Brat Summer and the dawn of Brat Fall, it’s high time to educate the world about brat play in BDSM. Being a brat is similar to what it sounds like, but in this guide to BDSM brats and brat taming we’ll dive into some of the nuances and complexities that other online resources often ignore. We’ll also continue the brat scene example drawn from real experiences that we started above.

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A guide to BDSM Safety for Bottoms and Subs

By Mimsy Borogoves
In Basics, How-To Guides, Submission
June 29, 2023
7 Min Read
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Man and woman facing each other; woman's hands are handcuffed behind her back.

If you’re a bottom or a sub, you may think your job in BDSM is to follow your dom’s lead. After all, you’re not the one tying people up or dishing out the punishments. But just because you’re not in charge of the scene doesn’t mean you aren’t responsible for understanding what’s happening and doing your part to ensure it goes smoothly. These BDSM safety tips will help you play more safely, stay informed, and have even more fun in your scenes.

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The Ultimate Guide to Consensual Nonconsent (CNC) in BDSM

By Mimsy with contributions from Vagabond
In Communication, Dominance, How-To Guides, Submission
December 5, 2022
20 Min Read
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Originally posted on September 25, 2018; updated on December 5, 2022

Man pinning woman's wrists to wall

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When I first started getting in touch with my kinky side and learning about BDSM, I became obsessed with consensual nonconsent (CNC). I thought CNC—also known as rape or ravishment fantasies—would be the ultimate way to lose control. By obsessed I mean I thought about it daily, researched it constantly, and knew it was something I needed to do. I started reading Casual Encounters on Craigslist regularly (back when that section still existed) to see what my options might be. Ultimately I was too scared to go that route, though, and it wasn’t until I met Vagabond that I was able to make my dream come true. 

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Do BDSM Subs Have Low Self-Esteem?

By Mimsy Borogoves
In Submission
September 29, 2022
5 Min Read
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Woman sitting on floor with her head bent on her knees.

As an Amazon Associate, we earn from qualifying purchases made via some of the links below (at no additional cost to you). 

There’s a common perception among non-BDSM practitioners that submissives suffer from low self-esteem. Otherwise, how could they possibly allow themselves to be debased (so the thinking goes)? This belief is bolstered by people in the BDSM community who admit to feeling worthless and believe themselves to be inferior to just about everyone. But exactly how true is the assumption that BDSM subs have low self-esteem?

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The Ultimate Guide to BDSM Dirty Talk

By Mimsy and Vagabond
In Basics, Communication, Dominance, How-To Guides, Submission
March 28, 2021
9 Min Read
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Man standing behind woman talking in her ear as he pins her hands to a glass door.

The vast majority of people fantasize about dirty talk during sex, especially people who fantasize about BDSM. But turning these fantasies into reality can be a challenge if you don’t know what to say or are afraid you’ll blurt out something embarrassing that will kill the mood. Our BDSM dirty talk guide brings together everything kinky couples like us need to know based on the best ideas from books, articles, classes, and hours of hot (and occasionally awkward) BDSM research.

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Bound Together
One couple’s insights into BDSM