Bound Together
One couple’s insights into BDSM

Basics

SSC vs. RACK: What’s the Difference?

By Mimsy and Vagabond
In Basics, Communication
August 13, 2021
4 Min Read
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Originally posted on October 9, 2018; updated on August 13, 2021

Wooden blocks stacked on top of each other spelling the word "Risk"

“I am a Dom (switch) and my sub has requested that I drug them and play with/use/have sex with them while they are asleep or near-asleep, in a drugged state. I’m wary . . . but I’d definitely try it if there was a guaranteed safe way of
doing this. . .” —Reddit

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Early in our BDSM journeys, we both strongly connected with the popular mantra of practicing Safe, Sane, and Consensual (SSC) kink. We interpreted this abbreviation to mean that BDSM has an advantage over vanilla sex because of the deliberate acknowledgment of safety between partners.

When we first noticed people replacing it with Risk Aware Consensual Kink (RACK), we were skeptical. The contrast seemed unnecessary, so we imagined these groups just wanted an edgier tagline—”We’re not safe or sane. We’re risky kinksters!” But once we started looking into the history of both abbreviations, we started to feel differently. (more…)

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BDSM on the Cheap

By Mimsy and Vagabond
In Basics
June 27, 2021
8 Min Read
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A photo of several wooden spoons, spatulas, and a rolling pin.

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Although BDSM is often associated with fancy leather or latex outfits and expensive equipment, the truth is you don’t need any of that to partake. You can be just as kinky using homemade gear or things you already own. Here are some of our favorite ways to do BDSM on the cheap.

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Misogyny in BDSM Dynamics

By Mimsy Borogoves
In Basics, Dominance
April 25, 2021
6 Min Read
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A black woman with hand raised in a "stop" gesture.

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We’re living proof that a couple that is egalitarian in every way can still enjoy hot BDSM play. This even includes fantasy scenes that toy with sexist gender-normative themes such as slut shaming and CNC. But as much as the BDSM scene purports to be feminist and all about consent, the unfortunate truth is that whatever societal ills plague the vanilla world are just as present in the BDSM community, including misogyny.

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The Ultimate Guide to BDSM Dirty Talk

By Mimsy and Vagabond
In Basics, Communication, Dominance, How-To Guides, Submission
March 28, 2021
9 Min Read
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Man standing behind woman talking in her ear as he pins her hands to a glass door.

The vast majority of people fantasize about dirty talk during sex, especially people who fantasize about BDSM. But turning these fantasies into reality can be a challenge if you don’t know what to say or are afraid you’ll blurt out something embarrassing that will kill the mood. Our BDSM dirty talk guide brings together everything kinky couples like us need to know based on the best ideas from books, articles, classes, and hours of hot (and occasionally awkward) BDSM research.

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A Guide to Spontaneous CNC Scenes

By Mimsy with contributions from Vagabond
In Basics, How-To Guides
February 17, 2021
5 Min Read
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man holding woman's neck while getting ready to kiss

Aren’t consensual non-consent (CNC) scenes supposed to be carefully planned and negotiated? How can a CNC scene be done safely in the heat of the moment? The answer to the first question is yes! Especially if you have something elaborate in mind. But if you know your partner well, it’s entirely possible to add spontaneous CNC to your kinky repertoire without discussing every detail ahead of time.

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Rough Body Play: Intro to Face Slapping

By Mimsy Borogoves
In Basics, How-To Guides, Masochism
September 22, 2020
6 Min Read
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Cartoon image of a woman slapping a man in the face

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The first time I was slapped in the face during sex was during a kinky hook-up. I was still new to BDSM at the time and wasn’t exactly sure what to expect. The surprise, the taboo of it, my submissiveness—I loved it all. Even though the guy hadn’t hit me that hard, I felt the sting for hours afterward, at least in my mind, and I knew immediately that I wanted to be with someone who would do that to me again. Fortunately, when I met Vagabond, he was more than happy to oblige.     

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The New Dominant Survival Guide

By Vagabond
In Basics, Dominance
August 25, 2020
6 Min Read
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Man walking on deserted beach headed toward mountains

You’ve finally figured out how to label that super sexy way you like to be in control of the object of your desire; congratulations, you’re a dominant! There are as many ways to be dominant in BDSM as there are doms, but following the advice below will make you a better one. If you’re submissive or a non-dominant kinkster, you’re welcome to read on to get a glimpse of what makes a dominant tick, but you should also check out The New Submissive Survival Guide.

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The Hottest Thing in a BDSM Relationship? Trust.

By Mimsy Borogoves
In Basics, Communication
April 27, 2020
7 Min Read
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Wartenberg wheel on bare skin

Would you let someone you don’t trust spank you, tie you up, and call you names? Probably not. Trust is integral to a BDSM relationship and is ultimately what makes any kind of power exchange so hot. Taking another person’s control away or letting them take it from you is thrilling, risky, and raw. Without trust, neither partner can completely let go and enjoy the moment. But with trust, BDSM and power exchange can bring partners closer together and eventually pave the way to rougher or riskier play.

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Bound Together
One couple’s insights into BDSM