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When it comes to giving kinky gifts, it can be hard to know where to start. How do you find quality gear? What if you’re on a budget? What gifts are good for newbies versus experienced BDSM players? We’ve got you covered! There’s something on our list for every kinkster.
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“This rule is ridiculous,” the brat said, rolling their eyes. “And I’d break it again.”
The dom didn’t disagree. “You told me you want me to hold you accountable, and that’s what I intend to do.”
“Make me!”
With the end of Brat Summer and the dawn of Brat Fall, it’s high time to educate the world about brat play in BDSM. Being a brat is similar to what it sounds like, but in this guide to BDSM brats and brat taming we’ll dive into some of the nuances and complexities that other online resources often ignore. We’ll also continue the brat scene example drawn from real experiences that we started above.
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“Start by pulling magic out of your fingers…”
—“The Invisible Toybox: Incorporating Energy Work into BDSM,” Raven Kaldera
If you’ve been exploring BDSM for any length of time, you’ve undoubtedly stumbled across references to BDSM energy play, sex magic, and the like. A quick online search conjures up workshops on “exploring energy play in kink,” guides on using sex magic to “manifest positive life energy,” and D/s classes on “conscious energy flow, power exchange, and feeding.” But what does any of this mean? In this post, we’ll translate these mystical concepts into plain facts.
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“How do you find a long-term partner who is into kink?”; “Having a hard time dating/finding a partner”; “Are respectful, long-term relationships likely or even possible between a dom and a sub?” These are just a few of the many posts on BDSM forums from people who are struggling to find a long-term, monogamous BDSM relationship.
Estimates vary, but according to some studies, nearly 35 percent of adults have engaged in BDSM, and over half have fantasized about it. Further, the vast majority of adults are monogamous. Given these stats, why does it seem to be so difficult for monogamous kinksters to find long-term relationships? One possible reason is that they’re looking in the wrong places.
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About 10 years ago, I became single after a very long relationship and decided it was time to explore my kinky interests in the New York City BDSM scene. As a very introverted 30-something single man, I knew it wouldn’t be easy for me. I was aware that more straight men than women often attend BDSM events, and I had very little experience with BDSM. I wasn’t even sure exactly what I was interested in. I was curious about domination but also enjoyed certain types of “masochism.” Where to begin?
For my first solo mission, I decided to go to a “munch,” an informal plainclothes hangout of kinky people. I came up with a strategy that led me to a series of kinky successes and might work for you, too.
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