Hi there. It’s me, the bad bottom your DomlyDom mentor warned you about. I won’t use safewords, and I don’t have a limits list. I don’t play with people who want them. I don’t get what I need from kink when those things are on the table.
Dangerous, right?
First of all: yes.
And also: a totally legitimate way to play.
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If you’ve spent more than a few minutes researching BDSM, you know that negotiation, or the process of deciding what will and will not happen in a scene, is one of the cornerstones. Much has been written about how to negotiate before a scene with a new play partner. Tools, from worksheets to checklists to illustrated guides, abound to help you cover all the bases and inspire you to dream up new fantasies. Here’s how to take those negotiation skills and weave them into the fabric of your relationship. (more…)
Updated June 23, 2026
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When Mimsy first started getting in touch with her kinky side and learning about BDSM, she became obsessed with consensual non-consent (CNC). Also known as rape or ravishment play, CNC is a type of BDSM role-play in which the participants agree in advance to simulate a non-consensual act. This could resemble playful reluctance, full-blown abduction and “forced” sex, or myriad scenarios in between. Despite what it may look like, CNC is not assault. In fact, it’s one of the most carefully prepared types of play in BDSM. In this post, we’ll explain exactly what to consider as you plan a CNC scene.
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So, you identify as a top or a bottom, a dominant or a submissive, or really any kind of kinkster. Now what? Contrary to popular belief, the qualities that make a good top/dominant or a good bottom/submissive in BDSM are more alike than different. (more…)
(more…)“I trust that you will say ‘yellow’ or ‘red’ if things start to get too intense. You are so safe with me. I’m going to take such good care of you.” And then she smacked me so fucking hard in the face that I thought I would die.
—My journal, May 11, 2012
Mimsy: On our first date, you mentioned the importance of having a “shared language” to talk about BDSM and kink. Although I had some experience doing kinky things and had researched terminology, I didn’t quite grasp what you were getting at until later—namely that a shared language helps provide a framework for play and ensures that everyone who’s involved understands how negotiation should work.
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