Confession: I’m a sub who has never experienced subspace. (more…)
Am I a Subpar Sub?
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The ABCs of BDSM
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In our opinion, these are the 26 most important BDSM basics to know. Whether you’re pure vanilla or made of whips and chains, our guide contains something for everyone. (more…)
Topping the Velvet: A Conversation About Cunnilingus
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“What are ways to perform oral sex in BDSM while remaining the
dominant partner?”—Reddit
“People I know say that giving a female oral is an inherently
submissive act.”—Reddit
D Is for Dominance
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“I trust that you will say ‘yellow’ or ‘red’ if things start to get too intense. You are so safe with me. I’m going to take such good care of you.” And then she smacked me so fucking hard in the face that I thought I would die.
—My journal, May 11, 2012
On Being a Reluctant BDSM Masochist
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One of my first BDSM experiences was with a guy who bent me over on his couch, lifted up my dress, and spanked me until my ass was red and bruised. I didn’t want him to stop, but was it because I was a masochist or because it made me feel submissive?
It would take me some time to answer that question. While the same guy spanked me during future encounters, it was never with the intensity of that first time. It was simply an accompaniment to other activities, so I didn’t get a clear sense of what I liked about it. (more…)
BDSM: The Perfect Way to Lose Control
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For as long as I can remember, I’ve wanted to lose control. And then I found BDSM. (more…)
The Importance of a Shared Kink Language: A Conversation About Negotiation
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Mimsy: On our first date, you mentioned the importance of having a “shared language” to talk about BDSM and kink. Although I had some experience doing kinky things and had researched terminology, I didn’t quite grasp what you were getting at until later—namely that a shared language helps provide a framework for play and ensures that everyone who’s involved understands how negotiation should work.
(more…)