Bound Together
One couple’s insights into BDSM

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Beyond “Yes Means Yes”: Understanding Erotic Astonishment

By Mimsy and Vagabond
In Communication
January 29, 2026
9 Min Read
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Woman with eyes open wide in astonishment

In the early days of Mimsy’s kink exploration, she hooked up with a guy who slapped her across the face during sex. It was utterly surprising and thrilling and remains etched in her memory to this day. The catch? It wasn’t negotiated in advance. Of course, this goes against every bit of BDSM conventional wisdom: Communicate clearly, negotiate before a scene, get explicit permission. But what about things you don’t know you want and therefore wouldn’t consent to in advance—BDSM surprises that only work because they catch you off guard? This is where the concept of erotic astonishment comes in. 

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BDSM vs. Self-Harm: Understanding the Difference Between Hurt and Harm

By Mimsy and Vagabond
In Health
December 28, 2025
7 Min Read
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Person with scars on arm

As a teenager, Vagabond sought out creative ways to shock himself—with low-voltage electronics, exposed wires, computer parts, you name it. As an adult, Mimsy was in a long-term relationship with a man who used to punch himself until he bruised. To an outside observer, these two behaviors might look very similar. After all, they both involve self-inflicted injury. But for Vagabond, shocking himself to feel sharp, sustained pain was a way to satisfy his masochistic desires, whereas Mimsy’s partner punched himself out of self-loathing and rage. In this post, we’ll explore the distinction between BDSM and self-harm—or, as the kink community might frame it, the distinction between hurt and harm.

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Research Recap: How Your Childhood Affects Your BDSM Interests 

By Mimsy and Vagabond
In Research
November 30, 2025
4 Min Read
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angry-looking woman

The BDSM community has spent years combating the stubborn notion that being kinky is somehow the result of an unhappy or abusive childhood. Into spanking? Then you must have been spanked as a kid. Into being dominated by a man? You must have daddy issues. It was a relief when some studies showed that kinksters aren’t any more likely to have childhood trauma than vanilla people. But research is always evolving, and now a 2025 study paints a more complex picture. Here’s what you need to know.

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How to Be a Submissive in BDSM: A Beginner’s Guide

By Mimsy and Vagabond
In Basics, How-To Guides, Submission
October 30, 2025
16 Min Read
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woman in lacy bra with wrists in cuffs

If you get turned on by being told what to do in bed, obeying your partner’s commands, or being erotically humiliated, it’s possible you’re a submissive. This is the flip side of the D/s coin, or the “right side of the slash.” Whereas dominants guide the scenes and set the rules, submissives follow their lead. But, like follows in dance, submissives are responsible for maintaining their own frame and balance, making the entire D/s scene and dynamic possible.    

Welcome to Part 2 of our complete guide to D/s, where we’ll be exploring all the ins and outs of being a BDSM submissive. (In Part 1, we did a deep dive into dominance.). In this post, we cover:

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How to be a Dominant in BDSM: A Beginner’s Guide

By Mimsy and Vagabond
In Basics, Dominance, How-To Guides
September 25, 2025
15 Min Read
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Man in a suit slapping a riding crop against his palm

Ever felt the pull to take charge in the bedroom? To be the one who guides the experience, sets the rules, and is responsible for your partner’s pleasure and surrender? You might have a dominant inside you waiting to come out.

Among all the facets of BDSM (bondage and discipline, dominance and submission, sadism and masochism), dominance and submission (D/s) is arguably the most widely practiced, and it’s easy to see why. Giving and taking control (power exchange) doesn’t require fancy toys or gear—it’s mental. And while it may seem simple, doing it well takes more than instinct.

Welcome to Part 1 of our complete guide to D/s. To kick off this series, we’re doing a deep dive into the left side of the slash to explore the dominant mindset. We cover:

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BDSM for Beginners: The Complete Roadmap

By Mimsy and Vagabond
In Basics, How-To Guides
July 31, 2025
41 Min Read
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Woman leaning against a car looking at a map

Introduction

When you’re new to BDSM (bondage and discipline, dominance and submission, sadism and masochism), the amount of information available can be overwhelming and confusing. You might find yourself wondering if BDSM is really for you (we did!), if you can call yourself kinky if you’re not into all the letters in the abbreviation (yes!), or if you’re an imposter if you’re not interested in being someone’s full-time, live-in master or slave (you’re not!).

Welcome to Bound Together’s complete guide to BDSM for beginners. What follows is a practical roadmap for people who want to explore BDSM in the bedroom without adopting what’s known as a 24/7 lifestyle. We’ll cover all the basics:

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“Dying for Sex” Gets BDSM Right

By Mimsy and Vagabond
In Entertainment
May 29, 2025
7 Min Read
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A woman and man sitting next to each other on a couch, holding hands and looking at each other intensely
Michelle Williams as Molly, Jay Duplass as Steve in Dying for Sex. ©FX. CR: Sarah Shatz/FX

On the surface, the Disney+ miniseries Dying for Sex tells the true story of one woman’s erotic adventures as she grapples with terminal cancer. But it’s about much more than that. Through the show’s thoughtful and nuanced portrayal of BDSM, it explores themes of self-discovery, personal agency, and deep compassion. 

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Bound Together
One couple’s insights into BDSM