“A timid man is swept off his feet when an enigmatic, impossibly handsome biker takes him on as his submissive.” That’s the anodyne description of the new BDSM movie Pillion, directed by Harry Lighton. Reviewers are describing it in even more lighthearted terms, calling it a rom-com (or dom-com), which, based on the trailer, is a fair assumption. But in reality, the movie is a much darker and less funny portrayal of an unhealthy BDSM dynamic that lacks proper negotiation and is largely getting a pass because it focuses on gay men instead of a heterosexual couple. Let’s dive into the details. (This post contains spoilers.)
The Setup: A Christmas Encounter
We first meet the unassuming Colin (Harry Melling) in an English pub performing in a barbershop quartet. After his set, he encounters Ray (Alexander Skarsgard)—a truly “impossibly handsome” biker—at the bar. Ray stares at Colin knowingly, and soon after, they meet in an alley on Christmas for a perfunctory yet eye-opening (for Colin anyway) tryst. There’s no question who has more experience and is in control. As Colin eagerly blows Ray, Ray pushes his head down farther and tells him to lick his boot. Colin complies and finishes Ray off, smiling. Afterward they exchange proper introductions and Colin implies that this was his first time giving a blowjob. He proposes practicing more with Ray who coldly says he isn’t around much before speeding off on his motorcycle.
This scene establishes the uncomfortable push-pull D/s dynamic that unfolds throughout the movie. Colin is a new but eager submissive who wants a relationship, and Ray is an experienced but withholding dominant who appears to use BDSM as a way to keep himself from forming romantic or emotional attachments.
An Instant 24/7 Dynamic
Despite Ray’s seeming lack of interest, a few days later, he picks Colin up at home, where he lives with his overbearing parents, and whisks him off to his house on his motorcycle (a pillion is a passenger on a motorcycle). When they arrive, Ray offers to show Colin around and then tells him he can cook dinner. Colin seems bewildered but does as he’s told. While they’re eating, Ray pats the seat next to him. Colin makes a move toward it, but Ray’s dog takes it instead, which is clearly what Ray intended. As if this weren’t humiliating enough, Ray announces that it’s time for bed after dinner and indicates that Colin will be sleeping on the floor. Colin awakes at the crack of dawn to an alarm and finds Ray outside tenderly washing his motorcycle and a list of chores Colin is supposed to complete.
Breadcrumbing and Emotional Manipulation
Colin quickly becomes absorbed into Ray’s extended biker circle as his submissive, complete with a shaved head and a padlocked chain around his neck (Ray wears the key around his own neck). He dutifully does everything Ray wants and gets little in return. Ray is a man of few words and shares nothing about himself. We—and Colin—never learn what he does for a living or anything about his background. Although Skarsgard plays the part well, there’s virtually no character development for Ray because there’s nothing to develop.
Ray’s coldness doesn’t prevent Colin from growing attached, however. Feeling pressure from his parents, he asks Ray if he would consider coming over for dinner with them and says maybe it could be a birthday present for him. Ray says no and leads Colin to believe he should not expect anything for his birthday. But when Colin gets up to the usual alarm the next morning, he finds a cupcake with a candle in it and all of Ray’s biker friends outside ready to take him on a camping trip.
Ray’s pattern of being emotionally withholding and then providing crumbs of affection continues on the trip. As the men play water chicken in a pond, Ray swaps Colin out for another man’s sub after Colin loses a round. Colin is clearly hurt but says nothing. Later, he and the other subs are positioned on picnic tables with their asses exposed, waiting for their doms to do as they please with them. Ray approaches Colin as if he’s going to put his dick in Colin’s mouth but then does so with the sub who replaced Colin earlier. After a few minutes, Ray allows Colin to blow him and then fucks him until Colin comes. Ray then wishes Colin a happy birthday, implying that this sort of sexual gratification is rare.
The Turning Point
After the camping trip, Ray and Colin have a tense dinner with Colin’s parents during which Colin’s mother points out the obvious: Ray doesn’t talk to Colin nicely and is extremely secretive. But it’s not until Colin’s terminally ill mom dies a short time later that he begins to second-guess his relationship with Ray. After the funeral, he shows up at Ray’s and purposely burns himself on a hot pan while cooking dinner perhaps as an unconscious way of protesting his unrelenting submissive duties that can’t even be put on hold to grieve. Ray tends to his wound and even allows Colin to sleep in his bed that night (more crumbs of affection). As they lie there together, Colin says, “You know I love you, right?” Ray says yes but that love isn’t the point of their relationship. In Ray’s world, it seems, BDSM and love can never go together. Nevertheless, while Ray is asleep that night, he puts his arm around Colin, which, of course, delights Colin.
Much to Ray’s chagrin, Colin starts questioning the parameters of their relationship soon after this episode. He asks if he can sleep in the bed more often and if they could perhaps take one day off per week from the dynamic. Ray says no, which causes Colin to rebel. He refuses to obey Ray’s orders and takes a joyride on Ray’s motorcycle in the middle of the night. His outburst yields positive change—or so it seems. Ray agrees to the day off, and they go out and have a great time doing conventional couple activities. The day culminates in playful wrestling and kissing—something Ray has eschewed up until then.
But this bubble of happiness bursts the next day when Ray ghosts Colin in rather spectacular fashion. Not only does he refuse to return any calls, he moves out of his house and leaves town. We’re left to conclude that stepping outside of a 24/7 dynamic and kissing—even for one day—was too emotionally fraught for Ray, and that he needs a strict D/s dynamic to enforce his own emotional boundaries.
Next Christmas, we see Colin back in the pub singing in his barbershop quartet and filling out a kinky dating profile. Even though Ray turned out to be emotionally stunted, Colin has grown. He notes in his profile that he won’t cut his hair and requires one day off per week.
Why Pillion’s BDSM Portrayal Is Problematic
Other reviewers have noted that Colin willingly participates in his relationship with Ray. While that’s true, Ray’s behavior raises red flags. For one thing, no ethical dominant would start a 24/7 D/s dynamic on what can generously be called a second date. Nor would they do so without any discussion or negotiation first. The fact that this is missing reinforces the tired trope that negotiation and communication are boring and unsexy.
Colin has virtually no sexual or romantic experience, let alone BDSM experience. Even if he has an “aptitude for devotion,” as Ray puts it, that doesn’t mean he knows what he’s getting into. As the experienced one, Ray should have spent some time explaining the kind of dynamic he wanted. At the very least, he could have assigned Colin some BDSM reading! Instead, Colin is left to figure things out on his own, with no reference points other than his own feelings.
The director, Lighton, is well aware he’s exploring the uncomfortable realities of BDSM, consent, and abuse. He adapted the movie from a novella by Adam Mars-Jones, which is much more explicitly abusive than Pillion. In one interview, Lighton acknowledges, “…Lots of people’s experiences, including my own, you can have early sexual experiences and early relationships, which are certainly not the blueprint of what a relationship should be like, but they teach you loads about how to better negotiate your desires in the future.” This critical framing appears to have been lost by both the Pillion marketing department and the gushing critical consensus that the film is a “rom-com.”
In our view, if this movie had been about a male dom and a female sub, it would be straightforwardly received as abusive by the same reviewers who’ve heaped praise on it. But because men are supposed to be able to tough it out, some reviewers have wrongly categorized this film in the misplaced name of nonjudgmental queer representation, ignoring the complexity Lighton intentionally noted.
For those searching for BDSM movies that accurately portray D/s relationships, Pillion serves more as a cautionary tale than a guide. It’s a shame that Colin learns what he’s not willing to tolerate through his terrible relationship with Ray. But at least he seems to instinctively know that it’s not only possible but desirable to combine BDSM and love, and that’s what he sets out to do by the end of the movie.