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Depending on what you read, the premise of the erotic drama Babygirl is either believable and feminist or unbelievable and deeply unfeminist. The kink in the movie is either realistic and titillating or unrealistic and passe. The movie was either clearly made by someone with kink experience or by vanilla know-nothings. There have been so many contradictory takes on this movie it’s hard to know what to think.
But the director, Halina Reijn, has given us a huge hint about this tale of a high-powered female CEO’s D/s affair with a young male intern. In an interview with Cosmopolitan, she said, “We’re witnessing two people who are not doing it totally right. They have no experience in the Dom/sub world. My movie is a fable, it’s not a documentary. It’s a cautionary tale.” It’s through this lens that we’ll discuss the good and the bad of Babygirl. (This post does include spoilers.)
Recognizing D/s Desires
As the film begins, we see Romy (Nicole Kidman) atop her husband Jacob (Antonio Banderas) appearing to have an orgasm. But we quickly realize it was fake when she trots down the hall a few minutes later, flips open her laptop to D/s porn, and brings herself to climax. Clearly, vanilla sex isn’t cutting it.
As Romy walks to her office the next day, she sees a dog on the street attacking someone. She freezes as it charges toward her, but it passes and approaches a young man behind her who bends down and immediately tames it. Romy’s shocked to see the same man—Samuel (Harris Dickinson)—later during a meet-and-greet with new interns at the warehouse automation company where she’s the CEO. He asks a question about the business, which throws her off because he seems totally unintimidated by her.
Later that day, Romy runs into Samuel in the kitchen, and this is where we see the first hints of a D/s dynamic between them. She asks him to get her a coffee as a way to assert her authority. She then asks how he got the dog on the street to calm down, and he says he gave it a cookie. She asks if he always has cookies with him. He cheekily responds, “Why, do you want one?” They look at each other for a moment, and then he gently tells her she shouldn’t drink coffee after lunch and asks how many cups she’s had that day. At first, she says it’s none of his business but then admits she’s had seven and leaves.
This is a nice initial meeting that subtly sets the D/s dynamic in motion without anything overtly sexual happening. But we know the interaction has awakened something in Romy because she tries to spice things up at home with Jacob that night to no avail. This deepens her sexual frustration and paves the way for what’s to come.
Back at work, Romy learns from Samuel that he’s selected her to be his mentor as part of a company program. During their introductory meeting for the program, he asks her how she got started in warehouse automation. She explains that she wanted to give people time back by automating certain tasks. He asks if her intention was to limit power-hungry personalities. “You think that’s what I am?” she asks. “No, I think you’re the opposite,” he responds. Flustered, Romy counters with “you think I don’t like power?” Samuel replies “No, I think you like to be told what to do.” Bingo.
This scene firmly establishes Romy and Samuel’s D/s connection and is acted quite well. It’s every submissive’s fantasy to meet a dom who knows them better than they know themselves. And in the course of a 10-minute meeting, Samuel manages to intuit Romy’s deepest secret, which is both exciting and terrifying to her. At that point, there’s no turning back.
D/s in Action
Soon after the mentoring meeting, their affair begins in earnest when they meet at a shabby hotel. Initially, Romy says they need to discuss Samuel’s unacceptable behavior. He tells her to be honest about what she wants. When she indicates that she doesn’t want to hurt him, he notes that he’s the one with the power since he could make one phone call and she could lose everything. Sensing he’s on the right track, he asks if that turns her on.
After a few false starts involving tentative commands on his part and refusals on hers, Romy finally agrees to get on all fours. She crawls toward him and sucks a candy out of his hand until he directs her to spit it out. He pets her and then moves her to the floor so she’s lying on her stomach. Even though the camera stays on Romy’s face the entire time, we understand that Samuel is fingering her. After she comes—something she’s been unable to do with Jacob—she bursts into tears and Samuel holds her.
This hotel scene has garnered praise for being a realistic portrayal of two people bumbling their way through a D/s encounter, and we tend to agree. That said, Samuel’s hesitancy in certain moments, while a reminder that he’s only human, did deflate the fantasy of an all-knowing dom that the film established earlier in the mentor meeting scene.
After the hotel encounter, the affair heats up for a while before inevitably hitting a snag. Samuel shows up at Romy’s country house and she walks in to find him chatting with her husband and kids. Naturally, she feels Samuel has crossed a line and says so later. Things sour at that point and he tells her he’s going to talk to someone about getting moved to a different department at work. Romy begs him not to do this because it will lead to questions that could get her fired.
Romy arranges a meeting with Samuel to find out if he really plans to go through with the transfer. Samuel asks her if she’s using him to blow up her life. She denies this and says she’s worried about him because he’s young (something she’s noted several times in the past). He tells her he’s fine and that what they’re doing together is normal as long as it’s consensual. Romy seems confused about the meaning of this and says she’s nervous about proceeding. Samuel tells her they need to set up some rules—namely that he’ll tell her what to do and she’ll do it. Romy balks at first, but Samuel says she has to tell him out loud that she agrees because that’s what consent is. She asks what will happen if she says no, and Samuel says he’ll talk to someone about getting transferred. He then puts his hand up her skirt and tells her to agree. Of course, she does.
The first time we saw Babygirl, this is the scene that bothered us the most because it seemed so coercive and like a perfect example of what not to do. Obviously, anyone with even cursory knowledge of BDSM (or sex in general!) knows that coerced consent isn’t legitimate. But on a second viewing, this scene started to feel less like a terrible negotiation and more like a scene scene. Samuel already established in the hotel room that Romy is turned on by risk—specifically the possibility of losing everything she’s worked for. Now, when he brings this up again, is it possible he’s toying with her, knowing that the idea of ruining her life turns her on? It’s ambiguous, but we think this is one way to interpret this scene. Then again, the director did say this is a story about two people who have no D/s experience, so maybe they are truly this bad at consent.
The D/s intensifies after that meeting, culminating in another hotel encounter. This scene is less successful than the initial hotel scene largely due to a bewildering interlude where Samuel dances around the room shirtless to George Michael’s “Father Figure” while Romy watches him from a chair. There are some D/s moments as well, but the dancing overshadows those. In the middle of all this, it suddenly occurs to Samuel that they should have a safeword. Romy chooses “Jacob”—her husband’s name! While a safeword might be the one BDSM concept that two newbies would know about, introducing it at this juncture feels like a forced afterthought. The hotel scene closes with some serious pillow talk that gives us a glimpse into Samuel’s mind. He asks Romy if she thinks he’s a bad person, which of course she doesn’t. It’s unfortunate that the only hint about Samuel’s mental state plays into a tired BDSM trope.
The End of the Affair
The trope doesn’t stop there. When Romy and Samuel’s affair inevitably implodes (due to a subplot with Romy’s assistant that we won’t get into here), Romy confesses to her husband—at least in part. She begins by explaining that ever since she was little she’s had “dark,” “disgusting” thoughts that she would do anything not to have. She’s tried all kinds of therapy to get rid of these thoughts and be “normal” but nothing has worked, and she’s concluded that she was born this way.
She tells Jacob that she met a stranger who she was able to enact some of her fantasies with one time. “It’s not about a safeword, or a safe place, or consent, or the kink. There has to be danger. Things have to be at stake. Really at stake.” This is the deepest insight Romy can muster about her D/s desires, which is disappointing at this stage in the movie. One would think she would have developed a clearer sense of what makes her tick by this time—or at least done a few Google searches.
Jacob kicks Romy out and she retreats to their country house, where she and Samuel have one last talk before Jacob walks in and starts a ruckus, realizing that Samuel is the “stranger” Romy had been talking about. After everyone settles down, Jacob says that female masochism is nothing but a male fantasy. Samuel disagrees, noting that this is a dated idea. Jacob seems confused and starts to have a panic attack. Much as he did at the beginning of the movie with the dog, Samuel calms him down and then departs.
The film ends as it began, with Romy and Jacob in bed together. This time, Jacob has Romy lie on her stomach as he fingers her and covers her eyes. Romy seems to be into it but then we see that she’s imagining Samuel in the shabby hotel room petting the dog that he tamed on the street. As Romy orgasms, she sees the dog obediently following Samuel’s commands. Clearly, the dog is a stand-in for Romy, which feels a bit heavy-handed and unnecessary, particularly as a closing scene.
Final Thoughts
As a fable, we think Babygirl works pretty well. But fables lack depth, and this is true of the movie also. Some reviewers have complained that the characters aren’t developed enough—especially the men. This didn’t bother us that much, given that the focus of the movie is Romy and her D/s desires. It’s not necessary, or even desirable, to understand Samuel’s inner life. Romy’s lack of insight into herself is puzzling, though.
As for the D/s, we thought it was portrayed well, if not by the book. Again, as the director pointed out, it’s not a documentary, and she wasn’t attempting to show two experienced BDSM players. The D/s rings true regardless. The director’s decision not to show graphic sex scenes was also perfect for a movie about D/s, which is largely a state of mind. Additionally, the movie shied away from incorporating BDSM gear, which, to some reviewers, seemed to signal that the kink in the movie was “light.” But Romy’s fantasy isn’t about all the letters in BDSM—it’s first and foremost about D/s. And there’s nothing light about power play with this level of risk attached to it.