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Every time a new BDSM movie comes out, we’re equal parts excited and trepidatious given how unsatisfying many of them are. Unfortunately, the latest film in this category is another disappointment. I Want Your Sex, directed by queer cinema icon Gregg Araki and cowritten by him and Slutever author Karley Sciortino, is a “dom-com” about a provocative female artist who will do anything to turn a profit, including using her doofy male assistant in her domineering sexploits. (This post contains spoilers.)
I Want Your Sex Recap
The movie opens with a bang. The bloodied, lingerie-clad male assistant, Elliot (Cooper Hoffman), leaps into a swimming pool to save his boss, Erika (Olivia Wilde), who’s floating face-down, presumably dead. We then flash back 9 ½ weeks earlier (a pointed reference) to Erika’s art gallery, where she summons the much younger Elliot to her office first to accuse him of flirting with her inappropriately and then to proposition him. He has a girlfriend, Minerva (Charli XCX), but that isn’t a deterrent; if anything, it seems to attract Erika because she thinks it will prevent Elliot from becoming emotionally invested.
We then see Elliot and Erika’s D/s dynamic take off faster than a whip crack. Most of their scenes are presented as a comedic montage, complete with cartoon sound effects. Dialogue resumes when Erika, with Elliot across her lap, is shown lubing up a dildo. He sees what she has in mind and says he’s not into it. She assures him that “It doesn’t mean you’re gay…And you can use your safeword if you get into trouble.” Elliot points out that they don’t have a safe word, to which she responds, “Whatever. You’re gonna love it. It’s gonna change your life.” Groan.
Despite the fact that Erika is a narcissist who has no real interest in Elliot, he, of course, becomes attached. He professes his feelings and tells her he’s considering dumping Minerva for her. Predictably, Erika strongly discourages this and eventually tells him they need to cool it for a while so she can focus on her upcoming gallery show.
Just as quickly as she makes this decision, she reverses it when she calls Elliot and tells him to bring a friend to her place for a threesome. He recruits his best friend and roommate Apple (Chase Sui Wonders) and they head to Erika’s for the world’s worst booty call. As Erika makes out with them and tries to orchestrate a BDSM scene, Elliot protests, but Erika insists that he loves it. He’s too entangled with her to notice that Apple feels rebuffed by him—a plot point that’s never resolved. He accuses Erika of toying with his emotions, and then he and Apple leave and don’t speak to each other again for the rest of the movie.
The Consent Violations Keep Coming
Finally, the big night arrives: Erika’s long-awaited art opening. She apologizes to Elliot for the botched threesome and tells him to go to the bathroom and wait for her. He says no at first but then relents. Eventually, another assistant fetches him and as Elliot walks back into the gallery he sees his most private BDSM moments with Erika playing on a screen. Not only was she using him for sex, she was using him to help revive her waning art career. When Elliot attempts to confront her about this betrayal, she pretends not to know him. He becomes verbally aggressive and is kicked out. Predictably, he’s fired the next day.
Erika calls him sometime later and asks him to come to her house. Despite her monstrous behavior, Elliot can’t say no. He arrives to find Erika drunk, demanding that he put on lingerie and a blonde wig so she can fuck herself. They argue and she knocks him into the coffee table. They physically tussle while making out. Next thing we know, we’re caught up to the opening scene of the film. Elliot wakes up, smashes into a sliding glass door while looking for Erika and bloodies his face. He then sees her in the pool and jumps in to rescue her. He drags her out and calls 911, but when the police arrive, there’s no body.
Of course, Erika’s art skyrockets in value after her “death,” and in the movie’s final plot twist, we learn that she faked her own death for exactly this reason. She eventually apologizes to Elliot for drugging him at her house that night and involving him in her elaborate (and highly improbable) publicity stunt. But the apology doesn’t change the fact that she’s ruined his life.
Two years later, we see Elliot interviewing Erika on his podcast, after she’s reinvented herself. Forever a groveling submissive, he can’t help but ask her out again. But she’s moved on to a different boy toy by then.
What I Want Your Sex Gets Wrong About BDSM
Aside from the terrible plot, I Want Your Sex is also a dismal portrayal of a dominant. Erika has no interest in Elliot, or anyone other than herself, and is domineering and controlling in an emotionally manipulative way. She violates Elliot’s consent repeatedly, increasing in severity each time, but because Elliot is a male sub, this abusive dynamic is played for laughs. Like Pillion, this is yet another so-called “dom-com” that wouldn’t be remotely funny if the sub were a woman.
Interestingly, the writers knew this. I Want Your Sex is loosely based on a real-life affair that Sciortino had with her much older boss years ago, and the script originally reflected a male dom/female sub dynamic. But Araki chose to flip the genders in the #metoo era, stating that “[A]round 2016, 2017, I started to kind of feel uncomfortable with the image of a woman getting dragged around by the hair. I don’t really wanna kink-shame anybody if that’s what you’re into, but that was not an image as a man that I wanted to put out into the world, especially as misogynistic and patriarchal attitudes have gotten worse and worse and worse in the past ten years. So I decided to switch the sex roles, and have a male sub and a female dom.”
In the same interview, Araki goes on to say that “. . . I knew that I wanted to put something out there that was encouraging and sex-positive and FUN.” While the movie doesn’t denigrate BDSM, it’s hard to see how a bad dom who criminally abuses her sub is sex positive (or fun, for that matter). At the very least, the film could have shown a healthy BDSM relationship (or any relationship!) as a counterexample. At the end of the day, this is just another portrayal of a terrible dom doing terrible BDSM that’s billed as a comedy because a male sub is involved. Flipping the genders in an attempt to avoid misogyny merely resulted in another form of sexism.