Books
- Creating Captivating Classes: A Guide for Kink, Sexuality, and Relationship Presenters: This book by Shay and Stefanos Tiziano breaks down exactly how to teach kinky educational classes. Topics include creating class outlines, how to conduct demos, common pitfalls for newbie presenters, and more. Plus, the book includes a number of interviews with well-known kink educators, each of whom focuses on a different aspect of the craft.
- Different Loving: Based on interviews with hundreds of kinksters, authors Gloria and William Brame and Jon Jacobs take the reader on a guided tour of dozens of facets of BDSM. This book is an excellent resource for newbies and old hands alike.
- Enough to Make You Blush: Exploring Erotic Humiliation (Updated Edition): In this excellent guide, the fabulous Princess Kali walks readers through all the ins and outs of humiliation and degradation. A must-read for novices and experts alike.
- Flogging: This extremely thorough guide to flogging by veteran BDSM educator Joseph Bean covers everything you need to know about flogging techniques, negotiation, flogger care, and more through sample scenes and detailed explanations.
- How to be a Healthy and Happy Submissive: In this essential guide for novice female submissives, Kate Kinsey covers all the ins and outs of submission and clearly separates fact from fiction. In her second book, What Submissives Want to Know: Real Questions, Real Answers, she gives advice to real-life subs.
- How To Make Your First BDSM Scene Amazing: Although this short book is directed at dominant women, the practical, solid advice author Sharyn Ferns offers is relevant to anyone who’s new to constructing BDSM scenes.
- The Loving Dominant: This influential book teaches new tops how to explore BDSM with all five senses.
- The Pleasure’s All Mine: The Memoir of a Professional Submissive: Given the abundance of pro domme memoirs, this personal account from the other side of the slash by Joan Kelly is a breath of fresh air.
- Safe, Sane and Consensual: Contemporary Perspectives on Sadomasochism: This anthology of academic works about BDSM includes essays on the history of BDSM, legality, theory, research, and more with an emphasis on BDSM in the UK.
- Screw the Roses, Send Me the Thorns: One of our favorites, this classic and charming book by Molly Devon and Philip Miller imparts realistic wisdom about BDSM, and D/s in particular, based on the authors’ decades of experience. Although the book is especially useful for people in a male dom/female sub dynamic, the information is pertinent to anyone looking to engage in BDSM.
- Sex with Shakespeare: In this memoir, Jillian Keenan explains how her love of Shakespeare helped her accept her spanking fetish. Keenan is a vocal member of the spanko community.
- Sexual Outsiders: Understanding BDSM Sexualities and Communities: Written by two kink-aware therapists, this book presents case studies of various problems kinky people face, guides readers on how to find a kink-aware therapist, and more. Geared toward practitioners of BDSM as well as therapists.
- Spanking for Lovers: This thorough guide to spanking by Janet Hardy includes tips on positions, techniques, safety, and more.
- Thinking Kink: The Collision of BDSM, Feminism and Popular Culture: This book by Catherine Scott examines the portrayal of BDSM in books, TV shows, movies, and music through a feminist lens.
- Tongue Tied: Untangling Communication in Sex, Kink, and Relationships: This book by sex educator and coach Stella Harris advises readers how to use communication skills to get the most out of their sex, kink, and love lives.
- The Toybag Guide to Playing with Taboo: This slim volume by Mollena Williams explores some kinks that are considered to be taboo even within the BDSM community (e.g., religion, race play, bodily fluids, etc.) and what to consider if you want to venture into this territory.
Classes
- Boundless Events: A San Francisco-based kink community, Boundless offers online classes. Topics have included interrogation scenes, mindfulness for BDSM, and creating amazing scenes.
- Kink Positive: “A project designed to help spread information, experience, and knowledge in all things related to kink and sex positive thinking,” Kink Positive offers numerous online classes on topics such as pet play, edge play, and scene negotiation.
- TES: The oldest BDSM organization in the country, TES offers online classes every Tuesday. Topics have included better bottoming for submissives, pegging, and extreme degradation.
- Wicked Grounds: Wicked Grounds offers a combination of online and in-person classes at their San Francisco event space. Topics for their online classes have included advanced negotiation, dating while kinky, and determining your risk profile.
Gear
- Oxy: Specializes in gear for chastity, CBT, feet (silicone models and masturbators), and more.
- Pleasure Chest: Emphasizes sex positivity, inclusivity, and education and offers an assortment of kink gear and other toys online and classes at their stores.
- Premium Sex Furniture by Fetish Locker: Sex furniture, including slings, spanking benches, queening chairs, and more.
- Stockroom: Offers a wide variety of BDSM furniture, equipment, and toys.
videos
- Communication: Learning from the BDSM Community: In this short video, couples therapist Esther Perel interviews sex therapist Margie Nichols about lessons that society at large can learn from the way the BDSM community approaches consent, communication, and negotiation.
- Evie Lupine: Lupine’s videos on all aspects of BDSM are thoughtful and insightful educational tools for BDSM newbies, experienced kinksters, or anyone in between.
- Kink Academy: A comprehensive kink library of video tutorials on everything from negotiation and safer sex to rope bondage and pony play. Many of the tutorials are free, but members get access to all 2000+ videos. There are some great instructors, including Rain DeGrey, Orpheus Black, and Topologist.
websites
- BDSM Events Page: An up-to-date listing of BDSM conventions and large-scale events across the U.S. and abroad.
- BDSM Tip Sheet for Beginners: Invaluable advice by Lady Green and Jay Wiseman that anyone new to BDSM should keep in mind.
- BDSM Wiki: Comprehensive wiki about all things BDSM related.
- Best Practices for Consent to Kink: A list of 10 things to know about consent and BDSM published by the National Coalition for Sexual Freedom.
- Compilation of Bottoming Classes: A compilation of bottoms throughout the U.S. and Canada who teach classes on various aspects of bottoming, such as CNC, impact, service, and negotiation. Must be a member of FetLife to view.
- Consent and Negotiations: Detailed resource on all the ins and outs of consent by Shibari Study. While it’s geared toward rope bondage, much of it is applicable to BDSM as a whole.
- Kink Aware Professionals Directory: A service provided by the National Coalition for Sexual Freedom “dedicated to providing the community with a listing of psychotherapeutic, medical, legal and other professionals who have stated that they are knowledgeable about and sensitive to diverse expressions of sexuality.”
- Kink Education Code of Conduct: This extremely thorough code of conduct was developed by and for kink educators and producers to address a “consent crisis in kink education.” The code also gives anyone who plans to attend a kink-related class or workshop a good idea of how responsible kink educators should behave. The site includes a list of educators who have adopted the code.
- (K)ink: Writing While Deviant: An ongoing series of personal essays from the Rumpus by writers exploring how their art is connected to their kinky practices.
- Kynklopedia: A handy dictionary of kink terminology.
- Music: The link takes you to our Spotify playlist for kinky fun. Our music taste leans toward sexy, lush, and dreamy. Enjoy!
- Rain DeGrey: Advice, articles, and more about kink, relationships, and sex from former model and pro domme turned educator and writer Rain DeGrey.
- Shrimp Teeth: A site focused on queer, polyamorous, and kinky education that provides queer peer support, kinky erotica, poly lessons, cool artwork, and more.
- Slut, Ph.D.: “Sex advice and opinions for the 21st century” from a kinky sociologist. Her post on the “8 Most Misunderstood Things About BDSM” is one of our favorites.